Week 2: He has been mindful of His servant.

August 30, 2012

            Life is starting become more regular! Today, we woke up for breakfast, had Tonga class, and then went straight to the Havens. We got to stay there all the way until lunch! I LOVE my time there. I CAN NOT say it enough. I wish there were words that I could communicate everything that happens and all the experiences and emotions, but it’s so hard. You really just have to be there. I started at Haven 3 today since I spent all my time at Haven 1 with Aaron yesterday. Joel is still silent and not moving. It’s so hard doing things with him because nothing brings out any emotion. So I spent about an hour and a half there and then went to Haven 1. When I got there a lot of our nursing majors were in there giving the babies shots. It was so cool to watch all of them in the beginning moment of doing what they want to do forever! Seeing them experience giving a shot for the first time and how proud of themselves they were was so great! I didn’t give any shots, but I helped them right when I got there with putting on Band-Aids :) After Aaron got his shot I held him the rest of the time. He is doing so well on his Tummy Time! He is making so much progress in his neck control and sitting himself up on his little elbows. He ended up falling asleep on my chest. It’s the most fulfilling feeling in the world to have a tiny baby fall asleep on your arms, able to feel its little breathing on your chest. All I could think about was how much I love this child.

            We left the Havens, came back for lunch, and did some singing. We’ve learned lots of songs and even Ba Sumafuta said he was impressed with us compared to previous HIZ groups!

            Today after lunch I asked Meghan about Joel’s story so that maybe I can understand him more and approach him better. She told me he comes from a family that has many mental problems. His mom was mentally troubled, and those kind of disabilities run in their family. Meghan thinks he may have autism and/or mental disabilities. But she’s not sure what contributes to what. Hearing that made me understand a lot more of why he might be the way he is. Now I understand that he’s not just quiet because he’s stubborn or because of me, but simply because he doesn’t know how to be. I’m so glad I asked her.

            After Tonga singing we had our Mission Anthropology class and had our first quiz over a pretty long reading we had. After class I went back with some of the girls to the Mann House to read for a quiz we have tomorrow while some other girls did Insanity. We had dinner and then after that I just started to feel really bad. I just felt nauseous and lousy. I was hoping and praying that I wasn’t getting the sickness everyone else has gotten. But I went to take a shower, hoping it would make me feel better. It did feel better to be clean, but I still felt weird. Some of the boys made a fire in a place we call “The Catacombs” which is basically just ruins of a deserted house that’s close to here. We stood around it only for a minute. Then all the girls went to our girl’s devo. Tonight, Aubrey talked about fears we all have about Africa and not about Africa. She read this little children’s book about Grover, the Sesame Street puppet, and the whole book he’s scared because “he heard there was a monster on the last page” and at the end of the book there ended up not even being one. And basically Aubrey said that a lot of times in life we have fears, but God knows our whole story. He knows what’s really on the last page, and a lot of times we forget that or choose not to really believe it and we worry. Which is something I really needed to be reminded of! Then we went around and some of us shared our fears we have in our lives. It was cool to see everyone open up. I was feeling really bad during it because of my stomach, but it was still so encouraging. After devo, we all just hung around and talked about girl stuff. Meghan and Louisa were there and it was so fun to have them there, seeing and listening to them talk and laugh with us. A lot of the time it’s easy to forget that although they do amazing things, they are normal people. Anyone can do what they do. Well, anyone who takes initiative and accepts the call, is what I mean. It’s so refreshing to have the constant reminder that being a missionary doesn’t mean you’re sentenced to a life of solitude and seriousness.

            After devo we went to Tea Time and I journaled some and REALLY started feeling bad. I just sat there on the couch. I didn’t even feel like talking. It was time for curfew so I came back to the house and started getting ready for bed and FINALLY got sick. Afterward, I felt SO much better. Mrs. Bingham came over and gave me some medicine for nausea and it’s supposed to knock me out soon, so I’m going to try and get some sleep!

           

Thank You God for the blessing of friendship while we’re here. For designing this life in a way where community is the way Your church works best. Thank You for really cool things You’ve created. Things like medicine to heal us, and even though this sounds weird, things like getting sick. It’s so neat that You’ve given our bodies a way of getting rid of sickness on it’s own! It’s just proof You’re on our side! :) How can anyone think there isn’t enough proof? You are TOO cool. Thank you for my babies. Please keep them protected by covering then in Your will. I pray You be with my Tonga tutor as they are getting back to school soon. Thank You for Your thankfulness. I love You.
 Use me however You want. I’m all Yours.

August 31, 2012

            So today was the hardest yet. I woke up at about 1:00 AM and threw up again. And I thought I would feel better this morning, which I did a little bit, but once I got dressed and went to class I started feeling bad again. After Tonga class I went and sat on the couch and read a little.

            Today it was my group’s turn to go to clinic orientation. Clinic orientation is where we go to the Mission’s clinic and tour around and see what all they offer to the public for free! It was truly amazing. They have an x-ray machine, an ultrasound monitor, a labor and delivery section, and best of all, free medicine. Once we got there and started looking around I started to feel worse and worse. I kept getting spells of feeling really drastic temperature changes and dizziness. I finished the tour, but Jeremy had to come get me with the Land Cruiser on his way back from town. The group was walking back and I was not able to do it. Once he picked me up, we came back here and I laid down, slept through lunch, and when I woke up I felt a little better! I guess my body just needed a break from trying to both fight off whatever is in me, and trying to function normally. I went to Missionary Anthropology and Tonga singing class and then I read some and checked my e-mail. Reading all of my e-mails from family and friends made me feel so much better. Mrs. Bingham made the sick people some chicken noodle soup and some toast for dinner. I didn’t want anything too heavy, and since I hadn’t eaten since dinner the night before I decided that maybe if I got something into my system I would feel even better. And I did!

            I decided to get up and go take a shower and then go with a small group of us that wanted to go to the Merritt’s to sing. On the way there our van decided to sing Christmas carols. We’re a special group. I’m telling you. It was hilarious. All the laughing just made me feel even more back to normal. We got there and sang some songs from last week that our group really enjoyed. After about an hour we decided to come back and some of the girls decided to have a dance party. That also made me feel even more recovered :)

            So, as of now, I still get really weird hot flash-ish things and my stomach feels strange still, but the day ended MUCH better than it started. I am so thankful.

Thank You God for healing me today. Thank You for Your promises that we sang about tonight at the Merritt’s. Never let go, Lord. Please be with the others that aren’t feeling well, I know it’s no fun. Thank You for Your love and Your mercy.
 I love You God. Use me.
 

September 1, 2012

            What a blessing it is to feel healthy again. I feel 100% better.

            I woke up and went to breakfast, and then we all piled on the bus to go to the market. The leaders gave all of us a few kwacha and a slip of paper with something in Tonga written on it. Our job was to find the object on the piece of paper, bargain, and buy it. I had a word that I had no clue what it was. So Petra, Parker, and I went into a bakery and asked he cashier what our papers meant. She told me mine meant “spoons”. She also told us where I could find them, which was so helpful! Petra and I had found what we needed within 5 minutes, so we had over an hour left to just walk around and look at everything!

            We saw so many little shops and looked through lots of people’s set ups of the most random things! People selling used plastic bottles, zitenges, shoes made from straight rubber, pretty much anything possible. Petra and I walked around and found a couple of really cute zitenges (African wrap skirts), so we bought a couple and then went back to the bakery and got a drink just as a small “thank you” for how helpful she was. *Sidenote: This bakery had PEPSI. Whenever I can get my hands on a soft drink it’s always a Coke, which is ok! But to finally get a Pepsi was such a pleasant surprise. It sounds so silly, but you’d be surprised at how happy you can be to see the little things when you’re without.

            So we all piled back into the bus with our objects. Plates, soap, kapenta (small dried fish), carrots, chickens, and so much more! We made it back in time to catch up on some reading and eat some lunch.

            At lunch I sat with  Meagan and some other girls and just asked her about practical ways she got where she is. She said what she did was visit the Mission for short periods of time and basically just earned the people’s trust here. So when she was ready to come back for a longer period of time, the Merritt’s and other people here that help run the Mission felt comfortable with it. So that was one thing. Another thing she said was that she kept in touch and followed up on how everyone was doing. She told us where she receives her support, and just little details like that. It was so good to talk to her! Another blessing of my day.

            Right after lunch, a lot of the girls went to the Havens since it was a free day today all the way until dinner. We all went and we played all day. I spent some time in Haven 1 helping the nannies fold and crushing some corn for the babies’ lunch of shima. These ladies know how to crush some corn! There were two of them and one of them gave us her huge stick and tried to teach us the rhythm of the pounding. We had passed the stick through our whole group, all of us out of breath, and the other woman was STILL going. Put us to such shame.

            After we helped (or tried to) I went and got Aaron. He was super groggy and as soon as I picked him up he was out cold, so I ended up going to Haven 2 for the first time since our tour the very first day. Those little things are FULL of energy and I just love it! Meagan was in the middle of their language class when I walked over there, and they were singing songs and playing games. It was so much fun! All you have to do is just sit down on the ground and you’ll have babies crawling all over you. It’s great.

            I left there after about an hour, wanting to spend some time with Joel and I had such a successful day today as well! I laid him on his back and just massaged everything. From his face to his toes. I really focused on his legs though, trying to loosen them up so we could work on standing. After working from his little thighs down to his toes, his legs were completely stretched out straight by the end! It made me SO happy! I think that’s what I’ll do for about a week and see how well he does and then go from there. It was so encouraging to have some success.

            We all left the Havens and on our way back, Jeremy met us with the bus asking if we wanted to go to the Benson College’s soccer game, and of course we all did. We went and watched for about an hour. It was so cool! They were so so good! I tried to understand the rules of soccer since I’ve never played, and I think I got the jist of it.

            We made it back to the Mission just in time for dinner. We roasted hot dogs! And they weren’t bad! Zack found this little chameleon that looked just like Pascal off of Tangled, so of course all the girls were loving that. After cooking out I read some more for class, and then River, Petra, Molly, Aubrey, and I sat outside under the thatch-roofed cabana picnic table, just talking about weird fun girly stuff  :)

            Then I came back to the house and got ready for bed. The days seem SO SO long here. Every night it’s hard to believe all that we do fits into one day.

            We have a wedding  to go to tomorrow! It’s supposed to be a ways away, so I’ve got to get some sleep.

            In case I forgot to mention, I love it here.

Lord, thank You for all of the blessing that came with today. Thank You for how much better I feel.  I pray for all the people in the market today. And really, anyone, anywhere. Give them Your peace. Don’t let any of us rest until we find You. Lead us back to You. Thank You for Your Son. Because of Him, we have hope and a purpose. Thank You.
 Use us however You can, Lord.

September 2, 2012

            Today was such a great day. We had to wake up SUPER early to get to church. We ate breakfast and then left at around 7:30. It took us almost 3 hours to get to the church and the road was BUMP-Y. But, I did get a lot of reading done! Last night even more people became sick, so we didn’t have everyone, but I think we’re all on the road to recovery!          

            We FINALLY got there and we were greeted by only a couple of people from the church. Barely anyone was there. We all piled inside and gradually people started to trickle in. By the end of the service the room was packed. Today, our guys were in charge of the service. Jeremy led singing, Luke did a prayer, Greg said the Lord’s Supper, Chris preached, and Parker also said a prayer. I thought our guys did fantastic! After that, they asked us to sing for them, so we walked up to the front, sang a few songs and one American song. Then we all went outside and formed a greeting line. It was LONG! But so cool. It’s where everyone goes down the line and shakes each other’s hand and then once they get to the end of the line, they stand there, and the line gradually gets longer, but everyone greets everyone! I wish we did that back home.

            After that, we got back in the bus and headed to the wedding. It was another hour down the road, but we FINALLY got there. When we parked, before we could get out, a drunk man greeted us at the window, smiling and asking our names. We knew it was going to be an interesting day from the start. We all got out and a lady ran over to us and was dancing clapping, singing, and yipping out of happiness. We all walked over to an open area and some men, women, and children all gathered around and the men started playing their drums. OF COURSE we all joined in and started dancing along with them. Later we found out that the song we were dancing to was about a woman from their community (that wasn’t at the wedding) who cheated on her husband for a poor farmer. And when we found that out, we thought it was so funny because the song was so upbeat, but it was asking, “Why? Why? Why did you do that?” I thought that was super interesting, because if anything like that happened in America, we wouldn’t even bring it up to talk about, none the less SING about. And at a wedding!  But anyway, we were dancing with them at least 30 minutes when we were interrupted because a wildfire has gotten right up on us. They decided to move our bus because it was right next to all the brush where the fire was headed. Our driver moved it and LITERALLY 15 seconds after he pulled away, the fire engulfed the dry brush where our bus was. It was CRAZY.

            After that blew on through our group just kind of stood around waiting for he wedding to start. After about 45 minutes of waiting, the ceremony started with dancing and singing. Two lines were formed, guys in one line and girls in the other. They danced a certain dance all the way to the house where the groom was, danced all the way back to get the bride, and then danced the both of them all the way back over to where the couple was going to have the actual ceremony. It took a while for them to do all of that, but it was so fun to see all the dancing and celebrating! The guests follow the two lines around, singing and dancing if they want to join in. They finally got to the table and chairs where they sat down. All the guests stand in a circle around the bride and groom where more dancing happened. Then an older gentleman started to talk. The couple was given little communion looking pieces of bread. Someone said it may have been tiny bites of cake, but I’m not sure! The whole thing was in Tonga, so we had no idea what was going on. The couple took the pieces of whatever it was, ate it themselves, and then both walked over to each set of parents, and kneeled in front of them to let them have some too. Maybe it’s the equivalent to our unity candle? I’m not sure. They went and sat back down and the man leading the ceremony said a prayer in Tonga, and apparently after that they were considered married! We were told after the wedding that there was supposed to be a preacher type person like we have in our weddings, but someone didn’t do what they were supposed to and didn’t ask a minister to be there. So they settled for this guy who wasn’t ordained or anything. But you never would have noticed that. No one was upset or anything. Also, in the middle of the man talking in Tonga, the same drunk guy that came up to our van window was walking back and forth from one side of the circle to the other. He was talking and laughing and yelling at kids to scoot back. It was so strange because no one seemed to notice or even care. He was being so disruptive but no one said anything! It was so weird because if something like that happened in America, it would ruin the whole day. But the only emotion these people paid any attention to was their joy. After they were married they continued to sit in their seats while each gift from each individual guest was presented in the middle of the circle in front of everyone. A couple of our guys went in the middle of the circle to present our gifts of plates, silverware, the 2 chickens from the market yesterday, and a couple other things.

            Something different about this culture is that on their wedding day, the couple getting married is not allowed to smile. Throughout the whole entire ceremony until they are together alone, they must keep a straight face. When I first heard that I thought that was so terrible! To not be able to smile on your wedding day while everyone around you is laughing and dancing out of excitement? It seems so terrible. But later Ba Siaziyu explained to us why. The bride is supposed to keep her head down the whole time and must be solemn out of respect or her parents to show them that she is sad that she must leave the family. The groom is not allowed to smile out of reverence to the bride’s parents, to show that he is serious about the marriage. After it was explained it really makes sense, but I could not imagine it!

            We left after we presented our gifts because we had such a long way to go and some people had gotten sick while we were there. Bridget, Parker, Petra, Aubrey, Zack, and I rode in the Land Cruiser and the whole ride back we talked about the most random things. Like what we think the perfect date would be, lots of “Would You Rather”s, and I Spy. Haha, lots of girly games, but it’s ok. Our guys are such good sports :)

            We finally made it back and I went to the house to start on my cultural report that’s due tomorrow. My dad e-mailed me wanting to figure out a time to talk on the phone, so I hope we get to!

            Class is at 6:30 AM tomorrow. Woof.

God, thank You for our team. Thank You for all the different kinds of people and the bond we share. Keep Your hands over us, revealing truth to us by taking off the veil that our culture is so good at putting on. Thank You for diversity and that You love to bless us with these kind of eye opening experiences. They show us that there are more ways than our own and that ours is not always the best. Please protect Joel and Aaron. I love You.
 Use me however You want, Lord.

September 3, 2012

            Today was another day full of blessing. It was our first day of what our normal schedule will be like. We had Tonga class at 6:30 and Humanities with Mr. Roy Merritt at 7:00. Today Mr. Merritt talked about the history of the church in Zambia and the Mission. It was super interesting. We had breakfast at 8:00 and then chapel at 9:00. It will usually be us and the students of George Benson Christian College, but it was just us today since the students aren’t back yet. We just sang some songs and then meditated on Ephesians 3:14 through chapter 4. It was so encouraging to read. It’s so nice to be reminded God’s truth. Whenever I read things like that it makes me realize how distracted I can become and how many messages other voices of the world give all of us.

            Some of us girls decided to go to the Havens after chapel and I got to be there all the way until lunch! I started in Haven 3 with Joel and we made HUGE progress today. I massaged his legs and stretched them all the way out and I figured that would be all I would do therapeutic wise, but he found a toy he really liked and scooted on his bottom over to it! That was THE first motor movement I’ve seen him do. So I put him on his belly in the crawling position and walked a couple of steps away with the toy, and he crawled to me! It was so cool and made me SO SO happy. Such fulfillment flooded me! I don’t think that’s the first time he’s ever crawled or anything but it’s huge progress with me! I made him crawl only a few feet and then I let him play the rest of the day. I don’t want to frustrate him or make him feel so stimulated that he shuts down, so that’s my progress with him! I know we’re going to get far by the end of three months!

            I went to Haven 2 after about an hour and sat with the toddlers for the rest of their language class with Meagan. The way those little ones laugh and just roll around all over the place gave me such joy. Something Meagan has taught them is when she says, “Who made you?” They answer with a resounding, “GOD DID!” It is so beautiful.

            It was “Shima time” after language class which everyone was VERY excited about. I fed two of the boys and then it was bath time. I couldn’t help much since the Aunties have their own bath system, so I left and went to Haven 1 to be with Aaron the rest of the day. He was asleep, so I just caught up on some reading with him on my chest. I ended up dozing off and Meagan came in and told us she would give us a ride back, so we left with her. After lunch, I read some more and fell asleep until class at 4. We had Mission Anthropology where we talked about worldview and then ate dinner. It was MAC AND CHEESE TODAY. SO. GOOD. After dinner, my dad and mom called me from his cell phone, and it was SO good to hear from them. It’s so crazy how much I miss them and how just hearing from them can put me in such a better mood. I came back to my room, took a shower, and then set up our living room for everyone to come over tonight since Family Meeting tonight is here!

God, I’m still so thankful to be here, able to do all the things that I am. I am so thankful that You have strengthened me through everything, keeping me at peace instead of allowing me to go into a frenzy of missing home and Alex and everything in between. I love You.
 Use me up God.

September 4, 2012

            Today was another busy, yet great day. I had Tonga class at 6:30 and it went well! Sometimes I get confused with all of the words and conjugations but for the most part it’s really not too bad! Today for our Humanities class we met our new teacher, Dr. Kapaale. As soon as he walked into the doorway where we have class, all I could see was Big Daddy (my dad’s dad)! It was the strangest thing. He is about as tall as Big Daddy was, and he was wearing an EXACT outfit Big Daddy had. He was wearing a white shirt with navy plaid-ish squares, shoes like Big Daddy had, a sweater, and glasses just like Big Daddy’s around his neck. I don’t know why my mind jumped straight to that, I suppose it was because of his outfit and his height. But it made me smile.

            We had class, ate breakfast, and then Petra, Bridget, Kaitie, Sarah, and I went with Meagan to take a couple of the babies to get casts for their clubbed feet. We drove about 30 minutes and when we got there the waiting room was full of people. I thought it was going to take over an hour just in waiting time, but we went straight back. The babies did so well. Only 2 tears! The room we went back to was like a Physical Therapy type room and it was a lot nicer than I was expecting. We all held the babies’ hands and legs while the girl was putting the casts on both of Caleb’s feet and one of Paula’s.

            We left there and right before we got back to the turn that leads us into Namwianga, Meagan wanted to stop by one of her former Haven babies, Daisy’s, house. Daisy went back to her family about 2 years ago and Meagan hadn’t seen her in over a year. We pulled up and it was exactly like a scene from a movie. Daisy was standing outside with some other older girls and as soon as she saw it was Meagan that had pulled up, she started RUNNING. Arms flailing, tongue nearly out of her mouth she was smiling so big. Meagan threw the truck in park, jumped out, and ran to meet her. When they met they just hugged and hugged. Naturally, all of us girls in the car were tearing up. There was such fulfillment and joy in that moment. After Meagan talked to both Daisy and the young ladies Daisy was standing with, we left, got back to the Mission, had lunch, and then some of us girls walked to the Havens.

            It was so good seeing my boys. I worked on Tummy Time with Aaron, and held Joel for a bit. Time FLIES when we’re there it seems. We had to leave for Mission Anthropology class, then had dinner, and headed over to Meagan’s for singing. We all had so much fun singing everything we could think of. Aubrey and I sat by each other, each of us taking turns holding little Helen. Just looking at her tininess while we were singing about the power and might and gentleness of God really gave me a different perspective of the Lord. It’s just incredible. Some others and myself stayed a little after and just laughed and played some games with Meagan for a few minutes. Meagan had to leave to give a baby at the Haven an IV, so we left and I went to the Mann House to take a shower since out water was out again.

            The rest of the night I’ve just finished blogging from last week, and journaling. I am SO tired! I can’t wait to get some GOOD, hard, sleep.

Jesus Christ, I’m in awe of the way You show Yourself. There are so many dimensions of You. You reveal Yourself in a different way every time I experience Your presence. It shows me just how great You are. I can’t wait for everything You have lined up for our group. Show us something new we’ve never seen before about You. May we let You be big. I’m so blessed to call You my Father and so humbled that You call me Your daughter. I love You, God.
 Use me. I’m all Yours.
 

September 5, 2012

            Two weeks of being here! This second week definitely went by faster than the first! We all woke up for our 6:30 Tonga class, had Humanities, breakfast, and then went to chapel with the George Benson Christian College students. They’ve just gotten back from their break! We sang “Leaning on the Everlasting Arms” and it really, really, touched me. Just the images of the song I’ve never paid attention to, and today I really thought about it while I was singing it and it was so comforting.

            Afterwards, Bridget, Meryl, Morgan, and I went to the Havens until lunch. Joel was sleeping today, so I held and played with Mercy. She was SO smiley today! I left Haven 3 and went to Haven 2 to spend some time with the toddlers. I ended up staying about 30 minutes, having little babies CRAWL all over me. I had 5 babies sitting on my legs at one time. Best feeling ever. I LOVE the toddler house because they are able to interact, talk back, and sing songs with me. I left there after a while and spent about an hour in Haven 1. I got there and Aaron was awake, so I got him out of his bed, fed him his bottle, and then dozed off with him. I was woken up with everyone saying they were ready to go, so we walked back in time for lunch.

            Then we had Mission Anthropology and I studied for the midterm on Friday all the way until dinner. After dinner some of us girls went back to the Mann House to do homework.

            River, Molly, Bridget, Aubrey, Petra, and I all decided to go lay on the storage bins to look at the stars. They are BEAUTIFUL here. I’ve never seen so many stars. We all laid there for a few minutes and then we started talking about out lives We talked about things we struggle with and what we are hoping to learn from this trip. While talking, feeling the cool breeze on my face, it just felt so amazing. It literally felt like God was there with us.

            After sharing everything we all got down (which was hysterical) and went to Tea Time. We (all us same girls) went to the cabana table and talked about fun girl stuff. I love these girls so much. The way we’re able to cry and laugh with each other is so cool. I love it. And am so thankful. After that I came back home, showered, and am FINALLY ready to sleep. Tomorrow should be another long, but good day! I’ll be studying a lot for the midterm that’s on Friday I’m sure. Oh well! Lord, please be there to help me!

God, thank You for all of the girls You have blessed me with here. Our group is so unique. It’s only been 2 weeks, and I can tell these are the kinds of gitls I’ll stay friends with forever, Thank You for that. It reminds me that You’re taking care of me hile I’m here. Keep showing me people through Your eyes. Hive me the words and the right mindset. Purify my heart and everything not pleasing ot completely holy in me. I love You.
 Use whatever part of my You can find that might help in any way. I’m here, wanting to be used as much as You’ll allow me to be.

Week 1: The art of losing myself.

August 21/22, 2012

What a DAY!

            Our group made it last night to Lusaka and stayed the night at a hotel called the Protea Hotel. It was so nice! Not what I was expecting at all! We got there and pretty much just went straight to our rooms since we were all so exhausted. Meryl and I stayed together and I had the luxury of Wi-Fi so I was able to let my family and Alex know I got there safely. Only problem was, I was exhausted, but my body wouldn’t let me sleep and I ended up staying awake until 4:30 AM! I eventually fell asleep, but this morning I woke up to Meryl telling me it was 9:15! Realizing we were supposed to be downstairs for breakfast at 8:00 and supposed to be LEAVING at 9:00, I SPRUNG out of the bed and started packing up my chargers and bags and got ready. We hurried downstairs and grabbed a pastry of some kind and met our group.

            We headed out for our next day of traveling, except this time we would be on the ground in a van! We had 7 hours of riding, but we were all together, packed like sardines, so we didn’t really mind at all. We just made up stories with Christy’s story cubes for kids, played “Would You Rather” and a movie game where you think of a movie and only give the first letter of each word in the title and they try and guess it. It was pretty fun! The whole van eventually joined in and that was especially fun. I surprised myself in that I didn’t sleep any of the ride, since I got so little the night before, but it was OK. I ended up watching the people and all of the landscaping, taking my memory straight back to last summer when I was experiencing this culture for the first time. What a blessing to be able to do it again.

            We FINALLY pulled up to the Namwianga Mission and we all became SO excited. We saw little boys and girls running out of their houses and screaming and waving. It made us that much more excited to know that the people were happy to see us and had been expecting us. It was just the greeting I was hoping for :)

            We unloaded and got our room keys and went to our rooms to unpack before dinner. I was pleasantly surprised to see where we would be staying. It’s a cakewalk compared to Kenya last year! So Mom, you don’t have to worry anymore :) I’m rooming with Kaitlyn Leonard and our room is so cute! We have two little beds, 2 dressers, a closet, and a nightstand! It’s so cozy! We are staying in what is called “The Pippin House” with 6 other girls! Lauren Ammerman, Christy Beck, Heather Baker, Meghan Laible, Kaitlyn Wood, and Morgan Sorrell. We all unpacked our things, so thrilled that we also had a living area, a small kitchen, and two bathrooms in the house! We all got out our snacks and nail polish, giggling like little girls not able to believe we made it! After so much preparation we were there!

            We all went to dinner, which was DELICIOUS. It was chicken, potato wedges, a salad, green beans, and a roll. After dinner all the girls went to every one else’s houses to look at each other’s rooms and what not. The houses are incredible! SO homey and comfy. After we toured around we came back to unpack some more and then went to “Tea Time”. Every night we will have Tea Time just as a time to hang out and have fun together whether it be through cards or Apples to Apples or whatever we all brought. We had hot chocolate, tea, and coffee. My table ended up talking to one of our night guards named Justin, for a while. He was so sweet and as telling us about his “four gewd keeds” and his beautiful wife. It was so sweet to hear him talk about his wife. Every time she came up he would whistle and say how beautiful she as. I started getting sleepy so I came back to the room and went and took a shower. Well. By shower I mean a little drizzle of water from our handheld shower head. I wasn’t complaining at all, it just made me realize the small things that I wouldn’t even think about in America. Whenever I want to get clean, I just jump in and jump out. But here, a quick shower is at least a 20 minute ordeal. The small things like just getting all of your hair wet to put in shampoo, takes a LOT more time. But, you know, a change of pace is never a bad thing.

            Tomorrow we meet our babies. I can not handle how excited I am. When Jeremy told us that at dinner tonight I LITERALLY started crying. It was kind of embarrassing. I’ve been praying for those little gems for a while and to finally have faces to those prayers TOMORROW. It’s too wonderful.

God, make us bold. Having a strong humility about us. Thank you for the gift of safe travels these past 3 days. Tomorrow, may we see a direct image of Your innocence and love in the faces of those babies. Show us Your vivid and blinding holiness, and through seeing that reveal to us what we really are. Show us what we really are not. I love You God. And not because things are wonderful right now. But because You are always who You are no matter what I am. Thank you for bringing me here. It feels SO GOOD to be back.

Here we are Jesus. Use us.

 ___________________________________

August 23, 2012

            How do you start a journal entry for today? Anything I can come up with, like “Wow” or “What a great day” or “Today was amazing” would be weak and almost insulting of everything today held.

            This morning we woke up (on time today!) and had breakfast. We then gathered around and had a little orientation with some more cultural tips and suggestions. We talked for probably an hour and then took a small break and then met back to talk about Haven rules. We (at least the people at my table) were SO excited and soaked in every word Meghan Hawley, the director of the Havens, told us. She told us things to expect and not to expect. Expect the Aunties to be guarded and maybe even cold toward us in the beginning, since we don’t have their trust yet. Expect that just because a baby has a wet nappy (cloth diaper) doesn’t mean it will be changed. Expect the babies to scream and cry when we put them down, not because they never receive love, but simply because they don’t want to be put down. They know that when us white students come every year all they have to do is cry to get what they want. The smart little rascals :) Megan told us NOT to expect the babies to be developmentally “on time” as Americans think children should be at their age. There will be babies there that aren’t able to talk where as an American baby at their age knows lots of vocabulary. There are babies that will be older than a year and are still working on back muscles and crawling and things like that. I was taking in every word, but I was just ready to go.

            The walk to the Havens was the perfect little trail. Right now, Zambia is in its dry season but it was still so beautiful with the tall grass. It looked almost like wheat. It was about a 15-20 minute walk. We have to squeeze between two little wooden posts that connect a barbed wire fence. That should be very interesting to see how we’ll all manage that if they keep feeding us as well as they do every day! The rest of the walk is down a sandy path all the way. On our way, Meghan Hawley walked alongside each of us and talked to us about what we’re thinking in terms of how many babies we would feel capable of caring for, and what our major was and things like that so that she can get a good idea of who she wants to pair us with. After talking with us she gave us cards with the name of our baby, their birthday, and things they need to work on developmentally. She got to me and asked me my major and I told her I was Speech Path, and she gave me two babies that need some special therapeutic attention. I was SO excited to finally have the cards with the names of my babies I’ve been praying for so long, IN MY HANDS.

            My first card had the name Aaron on it. He was born in June 25 of this year, so he isn’t even 2 months old. Heart melting. His list of things to work on is “Tummy Time”, “massage”, and “held when feeding”. Which I’m all about. Tummy time is where we spend some time with our baby every day with them on their tummies, working on their neck and abdomen muscles. The babies all sleep on their backs, so they are usually very weak in their neck control and back strength. My second card had the name Joel (pronounced like Noel) on it. Joel’s birthday is July 16, 2010, making him just over 2 years. Joel’s list of things to work on had “standing/walking”, “stretching”, and “muscle relaxation”. So for him, massaging and encouraging him to make big movements will be key.

I HAVE MY BABIES!

            Once we got there, we toured all of the houses, actually meeting our babies as we walked to each of the rooms. The first house, Haven 1, is for children that are newborn until they learn to walk. Once they start walking they move to Haven 2, which is also known as the toddler house, or “The Zoo”. The third house is for the HIV/AIDS, TB, developmental defected orphans. All ages are in that house. Our team leaders decided it would be better if we waited to take pictures in any of the houses until about a month down the road, just so it doesn’t come across the Aunties like that’s the reason we came. I mean, don’t get me wrong, babies really IS the top reason I came, but I don’t want to see them through my camera lens. I want to see them as Jesus sees them and then the pictures will be more meaningful. All of my attention should be focused on loving them rather than making sure I have pictures of them. So! I literally cannot WAIT for the day we break out the cameras, but I completely understand why we shouldn’t for now.

            After we toured the houses we got to play with our babies for an hour. I went back to Haven 1 to hold my little baby Aaron and ended up staying there the whole hour. He fell asleep in my arms and it felt like Heaven on Earth. Holding that little baby on my chest, feeling him breathing was absolutely perfect.

            After about an hour we walked back to the compound where we live and had potato soup, which was INCREDIBLE. Afterward Petra and I went to take a shower in out solar showers while the water was still warm from the sun. We got in there and saw this huge wasp and eventually killed it. Then, while we were in our showers she just let out this huge blood-curdling scream, and after screaming back and forth for a while she finally screamed, “THERE’S A HUGE SPIDER IN HERE!” and she opened her shower curtain, and sure enough there was a huge wall spider. After we both hurried up and got out. We saw more wasps and one crawled into the sleeve of my t-shirt and stung me! It is so funny looking back at the whole shower experience now, because from the outside of the door it probably sounded like we were a couple of squawking chickens, but inside we were honestly terrified. It really is hysterical thinking about it!

            So, after that episode I came back to my room and hung up my pictures in my room, and then went to Tea Time. Luke, Greg, Phillip, Katie, Morgan, Addie, and myself played Yahtzee and it was so fun! To end the night I came back to our house and Meghan, Kaitlyn, Katie, and I t talked about everything under the sun from 10:00 until 1:45. It was so refreshing to hear about their lives and things they have gone through and struggle with currently. It’s such a weird concept, but there is strength in sharing hurts. It let’s us know we’re not alone in this.

           

Today was the perfect day.

God, I love how You know what I need. Let me be the light others are looking for. But not in a way that puffs me up, but so that people see how powerful You are. Forgive me for the times I’ve misrepresented You and not loved Your people the way they should be loved. Please bless Aaron and Joel with lives full of Your presence. PLEASE give them ears to hear, God. Make them Your men one day.

Well, we’re finally here Lord. Ready to start this crazy adventure. Use us.

___________________________________ 

August 24, 2012

            Today was such a beautiful day. BUT, before I tell about it, I forgot to journal two things about yesterday! The first thing, I forgot to journal about lunch! Don’t worry, I won’t journal every day about everything we eat, only the EXCEPTIONAL things :) Anyway, for lunch we had a traditional meal of nsima, rice, cabbage, and chicken! Every Thursday for lunch we have traditional food. It was so good! It really surprised me! It was SO much better than the traditional meals we would eat in Kenya. The second thing I forgot to write about was when we walked up to the Havens yesterday. “Mamma”, the head Auntie, was outside ready to greet us. She asked us for a song before we went inside so we sang “Wabota” and tears just started flowing down her face and she just fell to her knees with her hands to the sky, smiling. And all I could do was just cry with her. I love that sweet surrender. The humility that comes with the realization of just how small we actually are. And in my culture, we’re hesitant to start the clap to a song. And to be completely honest, it makes me so angry. It makes me feel nearly to the point of ashamed of my culture and of American Christianity. These people fall to their knees in thankfulness, yet we hesitate to raise our hands. I hate it so much. And I know it’s not what God wanted.

But that officially finishes yesterday!

            Today, we woke up, had breakfast and started our tour around the Mission. They showed us where the secondary school, the primary school, the clinic, and the college all were. We then rode to town and looked at the market and then stopped at a restaurant called “El Pantano” for some slushie things that tasted like Sunkist meets a Pineapple type thing. It was yummy! We saw this little girl there that was ADORABLE. She would copy little things we would do and eventually wobbled over to our table. She loved seeing herself in pictures :)

            We left there and came back to our place. We all met together and had a Mission Anthropology class. Jeremy had written a post for the HIZ blog and told us to critique it and comment on anything we didn’t like/agree with, or on things we thought he could communicate better. It sparked some pretty interesting discussion. The blog post was about how we are studying abroad in Zambia and it poses the question of how can we not be what everyone thinks of when they think of Americans going to Africa? How can we portray the RIGHT image of what’s going on here. And what do we have to do so that people don’t receive the message that the only reason we came was FOR the pictures, like so many people do. So we’re kind of wrestling with those thoughts and questions, but it was a good discussion.

            Then me and some girls went to the Havens and I got to see both of my littles. I spent all but the last 10 minutes with Joel today because I didn’t visit him yesterday and then the last 10 minutes I went to see little Aaron. He just makes my day just by holding him and seeing his big brown eyes taking it all in. I love that place. And seeing Meghan Hawley in her environment. I would LOVE to work with her one day.

            So we had to leave to get back in time for dinner and then Petra and I tried the solar showers again. There were no wasps this time, but there WAS a wall spider. But we killed it :) Gotta get used to that.

            This next part had to be my favorite part of the day. Our team left and went to Roy and Cathy Merritt’s to sing with some of the Eric’s House boys and a few ladies that the have lived with the Merritt’s since they were little babies. OH they can sing. ALL of them can sing. A young man named Prince led many of the songs and he sang incredibly. The worship humbled me and made me realize who I have yet to be in my worship. Like I said earlier, I am just constantly in situations here that make me so frustrated with myself and with my culture. And I know the way general Christianity is in America is NOT okay. We think because we are faithful church attenders we have an upper hand to get through the gates. But these people live, breathe, exist in worship. In reverence to God. If we honestly assess ourselves and look at what we do in comparison to how they live, we’re in the back of the line getting through those gates. These people are a holy and pleasing aroma to God that makes our sacrifices as good as filthy rags. It’s embarrassing and so humbling to think I could ever have this figured out. I’m learning, and although I don’t know everything, I feel like this is where I need to be.

God, forgive me. I asked to be humbled on this journey, and to feel that happening comforts me because it means You’re listening. You haven’t given up on me. May my heartstrings latch onto those babies and love them more than I’ve ever loved before. Touch them through me. Kiss them through me. I’m sorry for the mess of Your name my country and I have made. Cleanse us fully. Take it all. Out team is here, ready to be molded. Leave Your fingerprints on us. Change us. Break us and build us again. Let us know what it means to serve, to love, and to rely with Your power. Send Your Spirit to live among us.

We’re right here, Lord. Use us.

___________________________________

August 25, 2012

            Today was so great in so many ways! We woke up, had breakfast, and left for Livingstone. We finally got there after a couple hours in the bus. We exchanged money and then headed over to Victoria Falls. And oh, how BEAUTIFUL it was. It’s even in the middle of the dry season, so the water isn’t as much as it normally is, but it was still SO perfect. It was so powerful and loud. So beautiful and pure. We walked over a bridge right in front of the Falls and you could feel the mist from it, hundreds of feet up. It was so cool. God is so powerful, how can I say it enough? It’s so hard to explain it, pictures don’t even do it justice, but they serve better than my words.

            Before we left Livingstone we stopped at an Italian restaurant called “Olga’s Italian Corner”. We all ordered pizza and it was AMAZING! Like, WOW. So unexpected. I ate SO much.

            We got on the bus and rode back to the Mission, and the whole ride back, Brette, River, Molly, Aubrey, Christy, and Bridget talked about everything. Relationships, the future, and Alex :) It made me feel so god to talk about him with them! It reminded me of how great he is and how much I really miss him. We all decided in some shape or form we want to come back and be with Meghan just learning from her and loving like she does. Having these kinds of talks with these girls makes me realize how much I love them and how awesome it is that our paths get to cross in this chapter of our lives. I love the realness of our conversations and the gentleness of our desires. God is so cool for blessing me in this way.

            After we got back we had dinner and then just hung out. I held Helen for a little while until Mrs. Bingham gave her a shot and then lots of us played Scattegories. I’d forgotten how fun that game is!

            I decided I was too tired to stay up any later, so I came back to the house and e-mailed my parents for the first time since I’ve been here. It made me so happy to update them and start sharing this experience with them as much as I can. I love them so much.

Thank you God for loving me enough to give me encouragement through others. Through the people on this team that are here with me and through the people I love on the other side of the world. Thank you for the love of a family. For Africa. For the place it holds in my heart. I can’t wait to see what You have up Your sleeve for me here. I love You.

Use me.

___________________________________

August 26, 2012

            Today was a great, but kind of weird day at the same time! We all got to breakfast and a couple of girls got REALLY sick in the night, so they ended up staying in their rooms all day. A couple of other people didn’t feel well, but we all set out for our first Zambian church service.

            River, Kaitlyn, Sarah, and I all sat in the bed of the truck for the 45 minutes of driving. One of the trucks broke down so we all stopped and one of the girls in our truck got sick while we were stopped. We finally made it to church and it was packed. We went to the church where Ba Leonard (our cook while we’re here) is an elder. This particular church service was a special one. Every year churches from around the area get together and worship for a full weekend. Usually, the HIZ group misses it because it takes place right before we get here, but this year it was delayed for whatever reason and we got to go! The service was under a thatch roof and we sat on wooden benches and concrete benches connected to the ground. We didn’t really know what was going on half the time, and with the service lasting 3 and a half hours, it was a very, very long afternoon. Towards the end they asked us to sing for them. We got up in front of them and sang some Tonga songs, and they only laughed at us once! So I feel like we were successful! Although we were all SO tired, I am glad we got to experience it. I know Ba Leonard was happy to see us there. After all he does for us, we were happy to be there with him.

            So we left and made it back to the Mission only to find out that 3 more people were sick. It’s so weird because we don’t know what it is! Louisa thinks it’s a virus, but it was so strange that it all happened in one night! Once we made it back, me and some other people played cards and then played ping-pong with some children that live close to us. It was so precious and so much silly fun! The boys were brothers. Duncan (age 7) and Jesse (5) know English so incredibly well! It was so surprising! I know it won’t be the last time I see them :)

            We had an incredible dinner tonight of chicken casserole (seriously SO good) and then Lauren, Petra, and I washed dishes. It took a while, but finally once we were finished we hung out for a bit and then went to the Sunday night service on the Mission. There weren’t many people there, and you could hear the bats! It was funny! The speaker tonight was a young looking guy and he talked about how we all have questions. Questions of “Why are these things happening in the world? Things like sickness and darkness and violence? And how do we know what God’s master plan is? Was all of this in His plan from the beginning?” He did such a good job of explaining things and he reminded us that God’s original plan is revealed through the Garden of Eden. God gave the Garden to Adam by giving him dominion over everything. And it was Adam who forfeited that dominion by eating the fruit. By disobeying God, he gave that reign over to the Devil. And because of that forfeited power, the Devil has been called the god of this age. He talked about how when the Devil was tempting Jesus, the Devil made Christ look at all the land and told Jesus he would give it all to Him. So clearly, Satan has what should’ve been man’s. Which is the reason why evil happens. He also asked, “Why did God put the tree in the in the first place?” And the way he explained it was like this: (I’ll try to make it make some sort of sense like he did.) He said God most likely intended Adam to have the knowledge of good and evil that the tree possessed. But not at that time. Adam was not mature enough to handle it (obviously) because when Satan convinced him to learn it early, sin happened through disobedience. The fact that Adam had the knowledge wasn’t the sin, it was the disobedience. God perhaps meant for Adam to have it, but eventually. Like when a parent gives their child an inheritance, the child doesn’t get it right away. The child receives the parents’ inheritance when circumstances arise and the child is old enough to understand and is mature enough to handle it properly. Like a child, Adam was only a few days/months/years into his existence when the Devil’s tempting happened. He was not ready for the knowledge Satan was offering. That is why God told him not to eat it.

            The whole concept was deep, and not saying, “Oh that’s it!” but it was really thought provoking and worth thinking about.

            After all of that we headed back to our compound and ended the night with Apples to Apples. It was fun! Our group is too much fun when we all get together.

            Class starts tomorrow at 7…kind of excited to meet our Zambian teachers, but school means homework, and homework soon means studying :/

But! I think I’ll be able to see my babies tomorrow :)

God, forgive me for lacking faith in certain situations. Give me Your eyes and Your touch. May Your will be accomplished and unhindered in our group. We are all in Your hands. Let Your will be done in the lives of Joel and Aaron. Really in all of the babies, but especially them. I love them already and I can’t even imagine what Your love must be like for them after You’ve intricately stitched them together and created Your plans for their lives. I love You Lord.

Use me as much as You can.

___________________________________

August 27, 2012

            Today’s been another good day! We woke up EARLY for class at 7 and that was rough! Last night we found out even more people became sick, so we were without a couple more people throughout the day. We had our first day of classes, which was so cool! We had Tonga at 7 with Ba Siaziyu. He was so excited to teach us and make us repeat after him. It was neat hearing his story and finding out about the schools he attended and such. We had breakfast, then another class, and then Phillip, Seth, Kaitie, Petra, Molly, and I watched Emperor’s New Groove which I had never seen before! I thought it was so funny! We watched it because the other people were assigned to go to the clinic today, so we just hung out for over an hour. Then Bridget, Greg, Kailey, Petra, and me played Uno until lunch and then we had another class. After that was over we played with the kids I wrote about yesterday plus some more! They taught us some of their games they play here. One is called “Mango” but it’s the same as Hide and Go Seek. We played that for at least 30 minutes and then I came back to my house and got all my pictures off of my camera and started editing them Petra, Aubrey, Bridget, and I decided to go walking around our houses and down the road a little bit, being weird and taking goofy pictures until Family Meeting time. There we just processed and discussed our cultural observations, cultural mistakes we’ve made, and we sang of course. I love our singing times together. I t was a true blessing though because everyone was able to make it to the Family Meeting! It was so good to finally have everyone there and together again!    After that I was feeling kind of lousy so I came back to the house, got my shower stuff, and went to the solar showers since our house is completely out of water. It was FREEZING. So I ended up just washing my hair and then used wet wipes on the rest later. The things you get to do in Africa :) I then went to Tea Time and finished editing my pictures and now am back home journaling, about to go to sleep! We don’t have to get up until 8 tomorrow, so that’s a blessing as well! I’m still hanging in there by not getting sick yet…knock on wood! We get to go to the Havens tomorrow too, so I KNOW it’s going to be a good day. Can’t wait to have Joel and Aaron in my arms.

God, thank You for every day, even the ones where nothing special happens like today. I love continuing to meet Your children. Keep shining Your light and teaching me on the ways of Your truth. I want to know the truth of You and who You are. What kind of God You are here in Africa as well as the United States. Show me. Clear my mind. Fill it with righteousness. I love You. Thank You for loving me.

Use me however You want. I’m here waiting for You.

___________________________________

August 28, 2012

            Today was another good day! I cannot believe we’ve only been here a week. Time here seems to drag. I think it’s because there’s no set routine, so every day seems like it holds at least 2 days worth of activity. It’s not a bad thing at al! I feel like we should have been here 3 weeks by now though! We woke up, had breakfast, and had Tonga class again which was fantastic! I LOVE Ba Siaziyu. He’s so enthusiastic when he teaches. It makes learning so much more fun and keeps me engaged. After Tonga class we were free to go to he HAVENS! I finally got to see my babies. I helped the Aunties with feeding as well as folding, getting the clothes that were drying off of the fence with Auntie Beatrice, and I got to put Aaron’s nappy (cloth diaper) and onesie on him after his bath :) Joel still is completely emotionless. Even toward the Aunties. When it’s bath time he doesn’t cry or anything, which is so strange to me, especially when the babies around him are screaming their heads off. I haven’t seen him smile or cry or even say anything. He’s made only one sound around me, and it’s just so confusing because he’s almost 2! I need to try and figure out ways to get him to at least babble. As for Aaron, he is still an angel. Just simply holding him makes EVERYTHING all right in the day.

            After the Havens we came back for lunch, more Tonga singing, Mission Anthropology class, and then we had a few minute to ourselves before dinner. I decided to catch up on some blogging until dinner. Then we ate, I took a shower (And it was warm tonight! Thanks God J ), and then we went to Meghan Hawley’s for singing. It was so good to hear the promises of God in our singing. Meghan had Helen (a baby from the Haven) with her. She’s not doing well at all. They think she may have a respiratory problem, which is NOT good considering she’s 4 months old, but still the weight of a newborn. It’s so beautiful to see Meghan fight for those babies.

            After singing we had Tea Time, and I was just so exhausted, I came back to the house after having some hot chocolate. I have SO much reading to do it’s driving me crazy. I’ve got to catch up tomorrow! I just wish there were more hours in the day! Maybe that’s why it feels like we’ve been here so much longer than we really have.

God, comfort us as we are all missing home a little. As school is starting, and work/reading is piling on, we’re starting to become more irritable. Keep us close. Whisper reminders in our ear. I love You. Use me even when I’m tired. Even when I’m not feeling 100%.

Use me.

___________________________________

August 29, 2012

            Today marks a full week of being here! This morning we woke up and went to breakfast. We had to wait 20 minutes for Ba Siaziyu to show up, and when he did we found out the reason he was late was because he had to rush a boy to the hospital because he had gotten by a snake! But as soon as he got to class we jumped right into it. We’re learning so many words every day! After class we had Mission Anthropology, a break, and then lunch! We are beyond blessed to have Ba Leonard and his son as our cooks. They are truly incredible. It makes me feel at home when we get the kind of meals we do from them!

            After lunch we had another Tonga class except it was just singing. The man that teaches us, Nelson Simafuta, is PRECIOUS. He is just so gentle and kind. He makes us all smile. I love singing this language! After singing, Aubrey, Bridget, Morgan, and I went to the Havens. We only had an hour and a half, but I didn’t even care. I want to hold my babies everyday. I just stayed in Haven 1 today so that I could spend more time with Aaron since I didn’t at all yesterday. I got there and Aaron was in his little box crib and had thrown up on himself, so I asked the Aunties for some extra clothes and changed him, and then just held him the whole time. We worked on Tummy Time today. Lots of it too! I figured out if I lay his upper body on a pillow, and then massage his back, he really moves ad kicks and tries to sit up on his elbows. So we’ll work on that some more! So exciting! :)

            I always hate leaving him. I just want to bring him back with me and hold him all day and sleep with him all night. Ah, I can’t get enough. So we came back, had dinner, and then I took a shower and started working on responding to e-mails! It made me so happy to be able to feel like I’m talking to everyone! Then, Kaitlyn and Meagan watched a movie and now I’m finally journaling. It feels so good to have some down time to myself. And what’s even better? I get to go back to the Havens tomorrow :)

God, help me not to get caught up in myself while I’m here. You are the hole point of this. Reveal to me Your holiness. Your worthiness. It’s all about You, Lord. It always has been. It always will be. So let it be about You, God.

Use me to proclaim Your works and Your wonders.