Week 4: Seeking Sabbath

Sabbath in Late Fall

Sometimes on the Sabbath

all you can do is

settle into the soft body of yourself

and listen to what it says.

Listen to

the exhaustion that is deeper than tiredness

the hunger that is for more than food

the thirst that is for more than drink

the longing for comfort that is more than physical.

On the Sabbath

body and soul reach out for time of a different sort

time that is full of space rather than activity:

time to watch the burning bush in your own backyard...

the movement of the wind among bare branches...

the last leaf clinging to the branch before its final letting go.

Letting go is hard,

letting go of that which no longer works

that which no longer brings joy and meaning

that which is no longer full of life.

It seems cruel

That something that used to be so beautiful

should fall to the ground

sinking into the earthy mud along with everything else that is dying,

no longer recognizable for what it used to be.

It seems cruel but it is the way of things.

One generation gives its life for the next.

One season slips away so another can come.

One crop of fruit falls from the tree so that more can be borne.

One wave recedes while another gathers strength to crash upon the shore.

It seems cruel

but it is the rhythm of things.

And rhythm has its own beauty.

- Ruth Haley Barton

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July 6, 2014

I woke up early again this morning, unable to make myself sleep any longer. Luckily Daniel was awake so we were able to talk some before having to get dressed and packed up to head home to Kalomo. Before leaving we had this incredible breakfast at the hotel. Made the whole entire stay worth it. We ended up spending the morning at Sunday Market and I got all of the things I needed to get for people back home! I love giving gifts and trying to see pieces of people I know in little knick knacks I find. The atmosphere was fun and we were bartering queens. There were a lot of tourists there so of course the sellers were asking for crazy prices. Nonetheless it’s always fun to me to barter and negotiate. We made a lot of friends today.

Meag met us at the market later since she was still feeling a little sick. When we found her, we put our stuff in the car before going grocery shopping for the next week or so. We stopped at Manda Hill Mall to get some waters and get whatever else we needed for the road and then began our journey back to Kalomo. I started feeling pretty bad so I took some Phenergan to help ease the nausea since it’s a bumpy venture. Thirty minutes later I was feeling back to normal, just a really drowsy.

After about 6 hours of dozing in and out, we stopped by Kurt and Jesse’s house again (the last stop on our village visit day last week). We picked up their mom and Lushomo (the oldest sibling) because they’re going to the Havens to get their smallest one, Cipo in Haven 1, to bring her home! The plan is for the mom and brother to stay at the Havens for a couple of days and be the ones who take care of Cipo in her normal routine here so Cipo can be somewhat used to them before leaving to live with them. Such a range of happy and sad.

We got back to the Havens and walked with Cipo’s mom and brother inside to get her. Cipo was pretty scared. Hopefully after a couple of days and a little formed trust between her and her new family, she’ll be happier to go to her home. It’s sad but you have to keep telling yourself this is the point of all this: reconciliation.

We got back to Meagan’s, unloaded the groceries, and relaxed the rest of the evening since we’re all feeling a little under the weather.

It was such a great weekend seeing so many different beautiful places and having the luxuries of hot showers and Internet. Hopefully this will be the end of this stretch of not feeling well so we all can jump right back in tomorrow and I can love on some Haven 1 babies.

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July 7, 2014

This morning we all woke up feeling a little better than we did last night so we decided to take on the day. We had language class and then headed to the Havens.

I’m back at Haven 1 this week. I got to all but 3 of the 23 babies today. That’s pretty great. On top of that, each baby did wonderfully. It astounded me how big some of them have gotten since I’d seen them 2 weeks ago.  Mercy is officially back at the Havens now instead of living with us, which is sad, but it’s neat to see how much her personality has changed after being around so many other little ones rather than being the star of the show at home. She’s definitely quieter in some ways.

Some of my favorite moments from one on one today:

- There’s nothing like a baby lying still as a stone on your chest. I rocked Zeke (and eventually myself) to sleep and woke up after having napped for an hour with him. After 20 more minutes he woke up too. I don’t really have any desire to be a mom but those moments make me almost change my mind.

- Pri was the happiest I’ve ever seen her. She was constantly smiling, laughing, and babbling to me.

- Owen was so attentive and curious. His eyes were locked to mine and I heard his laugh for the first time.

- Binwell, one of the more hyper boys of Haven 1, let me just hold him still today. It was so rare and unlike him and I loved every second.

- We got a new baby today! Her name is Memory. She’s 2 months old and weighs just over 2 kgs (about 4.5 pounds). She was born prematurely and her mother just passed away so her family has been resorting to feeding her cow milk. She’s tiny tiny tiny. Her head is the size of a tennis ball.

I ate lunch with the Aunties today and we had nsima, rape with groundnuts, and beans. So yummy. At 16:00 I went and got Joel and we spent an hour together. He danced and we read some books and walked around.

We left right at 17:00 and came home and made homemade pasta for dinner. We have Riss (Jason and Cyntia’s daughter) spending the night with us tonight! We played on the iPad a little before she headed to bed. The rest of the night us interns journaled while Meag baked some brownies for language class tomorrow for Reuben’s birthday.

Such a great start back at the Havens after a long weekend away.

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July 8, 2014

This morning we dragged ourselves out of bed, ran, and had our usual language class. Afterward we went to the Havens to pick up Mamma’s son, Edwin, before making a trip to town to visit AARON!

We drove there and met up with Aaron’s dad in town. He works at a pay phone shop and I knew who he was immediately when I saw him. Their noses are identical. He got in Meag’s car and led us to their house which was only 10 minutes away. We pulled up, got out, and sat in some chairs Aaron’s dad brought outside for us. After what seemed like an hour waiting, Aaron’s dad walked out with a walking, talking Aaron. When I left him Fall 2012 he was 6 months old. Now he’s 2 years old and a little man. Right when I saw him I couldn’t help but cry. I mean tears just started rolling before I could stop it. That child who has changed so much about me has no idea in the world who I am or how important he will always be to some girl in America. And that’s ok to me that he doesn’t know who I am. He doesn’t need to. But I’ll always know who he is.

We talked with his dad some while we sat there. He still hasn’t remarried since Aaron’s mom passed away and he said he’s not really looking either. They’re living with Aaron’s dad’s sister and her family so he’s got a lot of younger kids he’s growing up around. That makes me extremely happy. He just looked so healthy and happy and big. I’m so thankful. So so thankful.

We got back to the Havens in time to eat some birthday cake for Reuben and then began my one-on-one time. All the babies today were so cuddly and I got some good rocking in. I was able to read some too while they dozed on my chest. Best kind of one-on-one time.

Joel was so happy today. We danced, played on the playground, and played on some instruments Meagan has in her classroom. He was wearing this button up today looking super fratty, which was hilariously not ok, but still perfect.

We made taco soup and Rotel dip pretty soon after getting home so we could have some time to talk about our chapter in “Now What.” Since Jason and Cyntia are still out of town, we forwent game night and just talked about the book since we’ve missed the past couple of Mondays. We talked about Ebenezers. What they are, what their purpose is, and how important they are. Especially after big experiences that change you. Because the truth of the matter is, no matter how big an experience, some of the effects will not always be as strong as they once were. That’s just what humans do when life keeps moving. So we talked about the importance of naming experiences and reflecting on them often.

After dinner River and Aubs started dozing and decided to go to bed early. Meag and I stayed up talking for a few hours. I was able to talk with her about everything I’ve been wanting to ask her about. We talked about grief, death, living here, not living here, this past year of her life, family, loneliness, dark seasons she’s experienced, how she moves out of those seasons, and how/why in the world she still believes in God/can believe He is good when living a life like this one. Everything. We shared our feelings of how this kind of calling leaves you feeling both bitter and privileged at the same time. It’s both a sacrifice and an honor to do this.  We found out it drives us both mad how some people get to give some money or even come here for a week, 2 weeks, or even 6 weeks like us interns, and feel like they’ve put in their time and can go home and their lives can continue on. But people like us can’t find any kind of rest or feel right about our lives unless we answer the call in a way that changes everything. We both just sobbed and sobbed together. I’m so incredibly grateful I was able to have this precious time with this friend.

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July 9, 2014

This morning it was rough waking up, but I managed to do it. Aubrey and River ended up not joining me in running today but I found it nice to have some time to be totally alone for even a small amount of time.

We didn’t have language class because Chimuka was sick, so we went straight to the Havens an hour early. The extra hour made the day seem forever long but it also gave me enough time to get to every single one of the babies. I can’t believe I did it.

Cipo went home today with her mom. It’s such a mix of emotions. Everyone is so happy she’s reunited with her family but also mourning the loss of her presence here.

The Zambian Medical Mission starts next week so people are slowly trickling in here and filling this place up. One of the doctors that just arrived, Mrs. Binky (owner of the Binky Estes house), came to check on some of the kids Meagan has some questions/concerns about. It was neat seeing them work together and hearing Mrs. Binky give Meagan her advice.

After running around spending time with all of the babies all day, I helped feed dinner, went to Haven 3 and helped feed those babies, and then we came home. We warmed some leftovers and rested while Meag left to talk to some people who had just arrived for ZMM (Zambia Medical Mission). When she got back we did the next chapter in “Now What.” This chapter talked about spiritual giants that we come in contact with on overseas trips. Which, spiritual giants as a term in itself is strange to me seeing that every Christian deals with their own level of doubts and questions and unsurety, but that’s besides the point. We talked about people we’ve met here that seem like spiritual giants to us and what it is we can do to obtain for ourselves the characteristics we see in them. Today was so exhausting all we could do wa go straight to bed.

I’d like to fantasize my time here and make it sound as though these kids are perfect and there’s no amount of tired I can feel that would ever make me want to leave. But today I left the Havens actually happy to get home. Loving the kids is a day well spent but a tiring task.

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July 10, 2014

This morning in language class, Chimuka gave us simple sentences in English and in Tonga and then we tried making our own sentences with all of the words we’ve learned.

When we got to the Havens we talked to one of Meagan’s Zambian friends about making quilts for us. When I walked back to Haven 1 to get started on the day, I saw Mercy sitting on the veranda and she looked so awful. Her eyes were totally sunken in. It was honestly terrifying. Bina Bright told Meagan that she had been vomiting and having diarrhea all night. It was scary how different she looked just from the day before.

Today was intern lunch and by 12 we were all so exhausted.  We sat and ate our packed lunches and sat in the shade for about an hour and a half. We talked about how crazy it is how open our futures are and how we never once thought we would be interns in Zambia the summer before our senior year in college. And the same can be said about what’s to come. Who knows what will happen that we haven’t even imagined yet.

I got to almost everyone today in one-on-one time. Everyone was so compliant and cuddly.

I wasn’t feeling well so I told Meagan I would let her know if I would be able to go out into the village tonight. Since Mercy became so sick so fast she was busy taking care of her, so I just decided to tough it out and go. Bina Mbombo and I left at 17:00 and walked to her house. When we got there we started making this tomato soup mixture with eggs, rape, and nsima. I started feeling nauseous so I took some Phenergan I brought with me. We ate and sang some with her kids. I felt so rude because the medicine started making me feel sleepy and I still didn’t feel great so it was hard for me to be engaged and join in. We went to bed at 19:30 and I was out. Hopefully I can kick whatever this is and start feeling better.

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July 11, 2014

Bina Mbombo woke me up this morning right before we had to leave. She apologized saying there wouldn’t be any breakfast because she forgot to buy sugar the day before. I was kind of glad because I was still feeling groggy and not hungry at all. We met Aubrey and River on the road and finished the walk back to the Havens. We hugged the Aunties, parted ways, and finished our walk back to Meagan’s.

We packed a bag since we’re leaving today for Livingstone. The plan is for us interns, Meagan, and Dan to pick up Lou at the airport and spend the day there and see the lunar rainbow at Victoria Falls. While changing clothes and packing our bags I realized my ringworm count is up to four now. Three being on my face. Worth it.

We didn’t plan to leave for Livingstone until 11:00 so we drove up to the Havens at 8:00 so we could get a few hours in with the kids. While I was rocking Esther (the premature twin to Lot) she smiled this huge gummy smile which I have yet to see her do. And Annie, another one of the little babies, usually just cries the whole time but she also smiled the whole time I was rocking her. Needless to say it was a great last day at Haven 1.

We left there, went to get Dan from the Hamby House, and drove to Livingstone. Dan is Australian so it was so great hearing him talk the whole way. We waited and waited and finally Lou walked through the doors. Such a sweet reunion. It was precious seeing Meag and her so giddy to be together again. We left there and went to eat lunch at this place called Route 66. It’s a new restaurant here in Livingstone. We all got burgers which was a great treat. After there we went and ran some errands. We got some coffee and little things Dan needed to fix some things around the Mission.

We talked about the possibility of bungee jumping off of the bridge over the Zambezi River across from Victoria Falls so we decided we would go check on how much it would be. (Just River and Aubrey. Not me, Mom.) They said they would do it only if it was $100 or less. It ended up being about $150. We walked away defeated, but with a little persuasion from Meag and Lou the girls decided they wouldn’t get this opportunity again so they decided to spend the extra and do it. I was so proud of their extremely compulsive yet brave decision.

Proud some people are brave enough to do these things.

Victoria Falls from the Zimbabwe side

After we left there we decided to come to the hotel to get our jackets before going back out to the Falls for the lunar rainbow. In short, the lunar rainbow is a rainbow that shows itself at night due to the moonlight. Walking up to the Falls we felt like we were bad kids doing something illegal or something because we were the ONLY people in there. It was kind of weird. But it was just us 6 trekking around the trails of the Falls in complete blackness. There are baboons that hang around there so all I could picture was the scene from Tarzan when Jane ticks off the baby monkey and the huge fleet of baboons chase him around. We kept our eyes peeled.

The lunar rainbow was nothing short of incredible. I mean I saw a rainbow at night. It was so awesome. Not just the sight of it but the sound too. Last time I came in 2012 in the daytime, there was less water running over the Falls because of the start of dry season. But tonight, there was so much water you could hear the roar as soon as you stepped out of the car. We were being misted on just walking towards it. So much power. Standing there in the magnitude of what we were seeing it was almost restful; hearing nothing but the roar of the water. You could hardly hear the person talking next to you. It was peaceful.

We all loaded back up in Meag’s car and came back to the hotel. It almost felt like we were just driving around Little Rock or something. We were all singing and laughing like friends who had known each other for forever. Meag told us what her favorite thing was about this weekend trip. She said usually when groups come they save the fun stuff for the last couple of days before flying out to go home. But her favorite thing about the whole weekend is that we’re doing all these fun things and no one is leaving tomorrow. We get to all come home together.

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July 12, 2014

Last night was one of the best nights of sleep I’ve gotten since I’ve been here. I felt super rested and reenergized. We packed up, ate some breakfast, and went to “Handyman’s Paradise” (yes that’s the name of the store) so Dan could get some things before coming back to Namwianga. We stopped by the grocery store as well to get some stuff for our last village visit this coming week. We’re cooking for our host family instead of them cooking for us like they usually do. Meagan wanted us to choose something American that we could make out there. It was harder than you would think trying to come up with American things that you can carry in your arms and make and over a fire. We wanted to choose something besides your typical spaghetti or whatever so we chose grilled cheese and omelets. Simple and probably gross to them but it’s what we eat, you know? (I mean, not together in the same meal but that’s not the point.)

After the grocery store we dropped Dan at the airport so he could help pick up some more of the ZMM (Zambia Medical Mission) people that arrived today. We drove back to Nams with Lou, catching up on things. It still never ceases to amaze me how baboons are chillin on the side of the road like dogs would be in America. Baboons. Baboons people.

We made it back, unloaded the groceries and luggage, and rested for a few hours. I was able to FaceTime my parents which was so great since it’s the first time I’ve gotten to talk with them since being here.

Meag and Lou went to Eric’s House so Lou could see Jason and Cyn so us interns had the house to ourselves. Aubrey was feeling sick so she slept while River journaled and checked emails. I made some mac and cheese while listening to Ben Rector and it almost felt like normal life. It was so great having a few hours to turn our brains off and just be.

Meag got back from Eric’s House and we made dinner before playing some Hand and Foot with Dan and Lou. We treated ourselves to one of the cake mixes we brought. It’s so fun joking around with Meag and Dan and Lou. They’re in their thirties but I feel like we’re all just friends. And the cool thing is, we kind of are.

Week 3: I'm Mary and I'm Martha All At the Same Time

June 29, 2014

This morning we went to Tumango for church. Since Emily, Emily, and Brandi (the Harding girls who got in last night) were with us, the church asked us to sing for the congregation. We got up in front of everyone, sang a couple of songs, and they really seemed to enjoy it. It was good to be able to bless them in some sort of way.

After church we went to the Merritt’s for lunch. We had baked potatoes with the Merritt's and Jason and Cyntia. It was so nice to have a family homestyle setting with a lot of faces both old and new.

We went to the Havens to get our baby we’d planned to have one on one time with today. I was going to take Pri again but since she was Emily’s baby when she studied abroad here last year I let her spend some time with her. I chose Vera due to the fact I’ve grown to love her dearly this past week. The Harding girls stayed at the Havens for the afternoon while we came back to spend some time with our little one. Aubrey read a few children’s’ books to the babies and they were still as stones. They can be so incredibly attentive and engaged with things like that it's surprising. Vera and I did the shape sorter, ring stacking, and reading. And tickling. Lots and lots of tickling.

Sweet Vera.

Before long, it was time to strap them on our backs and walk back to the Havens in order to get the babies there and for us to get back before sundown. The walk was beautiful as always but at one point we had to army crawl under some barbed wire with the babies strapped on our backs. Again, the things that happen sometimes.

We got the Harding girls, walked back, and made breakfast for dinner. It’s been great being together telling stories and sharing this special summer that’s happening in all of our lives. Even if it is just for a few days. We went to Johnson church after dinner and Roy continued his Temple series. Tonight he talked about keeping your temple holy in terms of sexual purity. Another girl decided to get baptized! We were all so exhausted we just came back to the house and went straight to bed.

It blows my mind we’re already beginning week 3.

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June 30, 2014

This morning we pulled ourselves out of bed to go running. The sunrises never get old.

Since it’s a new week we moved Havens so I’m in Haven 3 now. Haven 3 is all ages from newborns to walking and talking. They’re in Haven 3 instead of Havens 1 or 2 with the other kids due to individual medical reasons. It can be anything from they were exposed to HIV or TB or anything that requires special attention to medicine-taking. So they keep them in a separate Haven not because they’re dangerous or contagious but just for the simplicity of medicine storing and making sure each child gets what they need and medicines aren't forgotten in the shuffle of the day.

I was able to have one-on-one time with Kent, Angel, Helen, Rita, Jeremy, Chilala, Candace, Petra, Boyd, Gilimo, Esther, Agnes, Evelyn, and Chabilo.

Today was especially hard for a number of reasons. Some of the kids were tired, so shy they wouldn’t utter a sound, or just plain cranky. Besides that, today was the first time I had really seen one of the struggling babies who was here when we were Fall 2012. He went back to the village with his family and was brought back because he was almost dead from malnourishment. Now he doesn’t even look like the same child. He has ringworm everywhere, dark scabby skin on his sideburns and wrists and feet, splotchy skin, white scarred fingers, discolored eyes and teeth, and red hair from the malnourishment. He hasn’t said a word since being back at the Havens and when he left he was a babbling baby. The whole one on one time today I was so angry. Just looking at him was hard. Not because I was disgusted. Because I was looking into a face of straight abuse. I'm angry, but also relieved that he’s alive and back. How could it have gotten that bad? How could God have let a child get THAT bad and not intervene sooner?

On top of that we found out pretty solemn news about Zack, one of the guys that studied abroad with us. He was in a really bad farming accident a week ago and was not expected to make it. Then he did make it but is still critical yet improving. Now he is sedated and the everyone is just waiting. Doctors are saying he’s “extremely critical” and to pray. Who knows if that's a positive or negative statement but today was just a day of a lot of thinking and wondering why things are the way they are.

All the babies went down for their usual naptime so I went to help Grace in the kitchen with lunch. Emily, one of the Harding girls visiting, had a Zambian friend with her, Elise, who she met last year. She brought Elise to the Havens so they could spend some time together. Elise is so intelligent and speaks remarkable English. They helped in the kitchen as well and Elise showed us how to shred cabbage for rape (a type of relish here). She turned on some music on her phone and the first song she put on was a Gospel song by Destiny’s Child. What even. After that song finished she turned to Emily and said, “Listen to this one and tell me if you know it.” And SWEET HOME ALABAMA started playing. For the love of all I just lost it laughing. Lynard Skynard playing on a Zambian’s phone in Africa. I told her I was from Alabama and she goes, “Oh really? Please don’t cry listening to this song.” Haha I mean I can’t say I’ve ever had the desire to cry during Sweet Home Alabama, but I almost did today from laughing so hard.

We had nsima, rape, beef, and some soy chicken kind of stuff. It was super good. Since the babies were napping for another hour at least, I went and got Joel and spent over an hour with him. It was perfect timing to just sit with him and let his presence heal the hurt happening.

After feeding at Haven 3 all of us came back to Meag’s and had stir fry for dinner. All of us girls ended the evening sitting around the table playing games and telling stories.

There were hidden blessings in today. Like Rita’s sweetness, Jeremy’s joy, Esther’s small fingers feeling my face while feeding her, Petra’s dancing, Joel just being who he is, and even the humor in the song on Elise’s phone. But today there was also a lot of frustration about the injustice all over this place and this world. I’m mad because the problem is so big and any kind of attempt is feeble; a drop in the bucket.

Will the bad news ever stop? Will there ever be a stretch where no one I know is hurting or doubting or dying? I guess what I’m wanting is Heaven. Which in itself is proof that this world really isn’t my home.

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July 1, 2014

Somehow we got ourselves up this morning and we walked our usual trail. Language class today was more information about names; the process of naming and who gets to give the names, etc.

We got news that Zack is doing pretty poorly. He’s having renal problems which Meagan says is never positive news.

On the way to the Havens I was feeling extremely down about the whole day. The Zack situation, having to see Kent again, just a lot of different things. And today ended up being one of the best days as of yet. I was able to get one on one time with every single kid which I haven’t done since I’ve been here. Some of the quiet ones from yesterday talked and laughed with me. AND Kent spoke. Which is HUGE.

I also had a whole hour with Joel. I hung up my hammock and planned to swing and read to him but he was so tired all he wanted to do was lay on my chest. We read a couple of books and hammocked the entire time. Thank you God for that moment.

We fed at Haven 3 which is always crazy. I fed Helen and Chilala, two girls who were both hesitant with me yesterday. They were talkative and giggly with me, which only added to the goodness of the day.

We all came back to Meag’s, made tacos, and played games with the Harding girls since we’re taking them to Choma tomorrow for the start of their internship.

Today was such a great day after such a whirlwind yesterday. I lay down every night wondering how in the world Meagan and the Aunties and other missionaries do this every day. The work itself is draining  and the emotional toll it takes is exhausting. However, it has forced me find joy even in the smallest positives. Because sometimes the small positives are all you’ve got.

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July 2, 2014

We got up early this morning to take the Harding girls to Macha to begin their internship. We got an update on Zack that his bowels are not functioning and his body is not absorbing any nutrients because he keeps rejecting everything from his feeding tube. A lot of our car ride was spent in silence.

When we got to Macha, we went straight to the grocery store to get some stuff for both the girls and for us. We drove another hour to the research center where the Harding girls will be doing their internship. We helped them get their groceries and bags inside and said our goodbyes.

From there Meagan decided this would be a good day to do some village visits since some of the kids live out that way.

We started by finding Nico. We pulled up to her house to be greeted by a man who seemed to be out of his mind. He was talking to Meagan in Tonga but she told us after he walked away that she thought he may be out of his mind because he wasn’t making sense. A few minutes later Nico and her grandmother walked up the path to the house. Once Meagan saw her she started running and Nico did the same. The reunion was so sweet. The grandmother got each of us a chair to sit in and a cup of cibwantu (fermented corn mush with water). Meagan was catching up with her grandmother about how Nico was doing. She has constant ear infections and think she may be almost deaf because of it. Her grandmother said that a lot of times she won’t respond or even know you’re talking to her unless she’s looking at you. Otherwise she seemed healthy and happy. It was so obvious her grandmother loves her. She gave Meagan a whole bucketful of sweet potatoes when we were leaving. In the car afterward Meagan said Nico's grandmother always gives her some sort of gift as she’s leaving. And whenever Meagan thanks her, her grandmother says that what Meagan has done for Nico will always outweigh any kind of gift she could give Meagan. I felt extremely positive when we pulled away.

After Nico, we trekked across to the other side of Choma to find Prince and Princess. We pulled up and there was Prince, standing at the door, his face looking exactly the same as the baby Prince we all knew. Princess came running around the house with a huge Aretha Franklin weave fro. We were laughing so hard thinking about how Bridget would react to such a sight. They both are so incredibly healthy and in the best situation I could have ever imagined. They’re living with their aunt and uncle in a really nice house with other kids both older and younger. They didn’t remember any of us (obviously) but they didn’t even remember Meagan which I was surprised to observe. Meagan said it can be painful for her when that happens, but it’s always a good thing because it means they consider their real family their real family. Meag said it’s always more difficult for her leaving a village from a visit with the baby latching on to her wanting her to take them with her. But this wasn’t the case with Prince and Princess. Their aunt and uncle both work at a hospital and were so friendly. They invited us in and we sat in their living room talking about the World Cup and news. The uncle asked us where we were from and when we told him America he goes, “How do you manage to survive there?” At first I thought he was joking with us but after a second I realized he was totally serious. We asked what he meant and he said he hears about things like “bush fires” (forest fires) and suicide. I told him we survive the same way they do in Zambia and he said here they might suffer from illness of some sort, but never natural disasters or civil war like we do. He said it with such genuine concern for us almost like he felt bad for us. It took me off guard for a minute but then I realized he was right. Not that America is a worse (or better even) condition, but I mean to say he’s right in that Zambia really is such a more peaceful place.  We pulled away from their house, both Prince and Princess waving. They’re in such a happy home that will encourage them to pursue such a bright future.

We left there and started roaming around the area for Caleb. Meagan had been in contact with a neighbor of his so he met us out on the main road to help us know which path to turn onto. We passed the path a bunch of times but finally saw him. He led us up to their hut where we found Caleb. He was sitting on the ground with both of his feet clubbed as ever. His right foot has become significantly worse. He wouldn’t talk at all to any of us. Meagan sat next to him, pulled him onto her lap, and started massaging his legs and feet. She exchanged words with the man who helped us find the hut. I couldn’t gather much but I did hear Meagan ask why he hadn’t been going to the clinic to get casts on his feet regularly. The man answered saying they didn’t have transport money to get there and back. Meagan asked how much it costs to get there and back and he said 40 kwatcha. That’s about $6.50. Meagan then asked how far away the school is for the kids and he said it was about a 45 minute walk (a task no person with two clubbed feet can do). It hit me then that this boy’s future relies on $6.50. If he doesn’t get his feet fixed, he can’t get to school. If he doesn’t get to school, he can’t progress to a better life than he has now. He would be left with farming but he really couldn’t even do that with two clubbed feet either. $6.50. That’s the difference between becoming a beggar and a businessman here. We left their house and I asked Meagan what else the man said and she said she would tell us whenever she was less angry and not on the verge of tears. We rode the rest of the way home in silence while tears were streaming down Meag's face.

Before getting to the Namwianga road we turned off onto another path to see Kent and Jesse, two siblings who have come home from the Havens. Both of their parents are blind, which astounds me. They’re able to keep up with 5 kids, and a farm, blind. All the kids can see which helps, but still. Wow. All the day to day tasks started running through my mind: starting a fire, knowing which of their vegetables are ready to eat, gathering those vegetables, cooking, washing, just getting around the area safely. It seems hard enough with two working eyes. Their youngest sister (Cipo) is in Haven 1 right now and Meagan said we’ll be bringing Cipo home this Sunday.

We got back to the house from their house, unloaded groceries, and ate before getting ready for Bible study with the girls. They didn’t come tonight so it may be a holiday or some kind of break for them. So we all just turned in for the night and went to bed early before working at the Havens and going to the village tomorrow night.

I have a lot of mixed emotions about today: anger, joy, sadness, thankfulness, relief, confusion. It’s so hard for me to understand why a lot of things happen here. In the world really. With the babies, with Zack, with a lot of different situations. Why there’s so much pain. “Because this world is broken and sinful” just doesn’t seem to satisfy that question for me anymore.

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July 3, 2014

This morning we slept in until language class and learned random words from a grade 1 book Chimuka brought for us.

At the Havens I managed to see all but two kids. It was a really good day overall even though I was pretty slow moving. Petra was so cuddly and talkative. Every one of the little, little babies were so incredibly smiley. Kent was more playful, especially with bubbles. Jeremy was so still during a book we read together. And all Joel wanted to do was give me kisses all over my face. He would even point to his mouth and then my cheek totally on his own.

Memory, one of the Zambians that helped cook food for our HIZ group, surprised us at the Havens.  A lot of the girls had befriended her and become close with her when we were here. She showed up and we caught up with her about how her schooling and student teaching was going.

Bina Mbombo and I left for the village at 17:00. On the road back to her house we passed a cobra stretched across a log. I was less than 2 feet away from it when we passed it and once I saw it my whole body went numb and straight into fight or flight mode. I just kept walking and it wasn’t until a little farther down the path did Bina Mbombo tell me it had been killed so it wasn’t even alive. Snake eyes, even dead ones, are just as beady and scary.

We got to her village and I helped her sweep out the inside of her house and sat with her as she cooked nsima. We had chicken and nsima and then went outside and sang under the stars with her kids. I really loved one song in particular. They sing the whole thing in Tonga and then again in English. It says:

Every time,

Oh,

In the Spirit,

Overcoming

In my heart.

In the mountain,

In the hillside,

In the valley,

In the sea.

It was so fun to sing and one of those songs you sing as loud as you can because you want to remind yourself the truth of the words.

We were joined by a lot of the village kids and we all went inside the house because of the cold. One of the boys went to get an empty jug and brought it back inside to use as a drum and we sang the night away. Two other Aunties, Mabel and Esten came over and Bina Mbombo’s daughter, Luyando, danced some of the traditional dances she’s been learning at school.  I counted and by the end of the night we had 17 people inside of her house. It was loud in the best kind of way.

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July 4, 2014

Last night I didn’t sleep we at all for whatever reason and woke up feeling a little sick. Bina Mbombo prepared rice and sugar for breakfast so we ate and talked a little bit about all kinds of things. America, HIV, our village visit, and then started the walk to the Havens. We met up with Aubrey and River and Ba Beauty on the path. We passed our cobra friend and got to take a pic with him.

We went to the Hamby to grab some coffee and say bye to Emmett before leaving for our fun weekend with Meagan. The plan is to go to this lake for Friday night and then go to Lusaka for Saturday.

We finished packing our stuff and started our drive to Lake Kariba. We found out we’re staying on an island in the middle of the lake which was exciting. We drove for what felt like hours; well, it was--three hours down a bumpy and potholed road. None of us were sure we were going to right way but after we asked some people for some direction, we arrived. It was like night and day. The road up to the lake was primetime Africa but once we got to the lake it was such a touristy spot. The lake was huge and so blue. It just didn’t feel like a place like this could exist out in the middle of nowhere, but I'm surely thankful it does. We had an hour to lounge around until the boat left for the island so I found myself a little corner in a chair, read, and spent some time alone.

Soon it was time to load up with another family of 5 and boat to the island. We rode for about an hour and got to talk with the manager of this place. She’s from South Africa and is taking over the manager position while her son is gone since his wife just had a baby. When we docked we toured around and got our chalet. Aubrey and I are staying together tonight and River and Meagan are in another place. It’s pretty cozy. There’s no Internet and only a couple of places with cell phone service which I actually think is one of the best things about it. It’s almost relieving to know there’s no way anything on the outside can reach us here. They told us we need to be in our houses by 11 tonight because sometimes elephants from some of the other islands like to swim over and walk around here. What.

The four of us rested a little and played a game of Phase 10 before going back out on the boat for a sunset ride. We rode out a bit to where you could really see the horizon. The sky is the most beautiful colors of pink and orange. There were these mountains far away and all you could see were the layered silhouettes of them. It was like a painting. We were talking to the guys driving the boat and we had heard previously that someone had died on an island close by a few months ago so we asked them what happened. One of our guides was actually there when it happened and the guy that died was one of his friends. They were installing a water pump and he said he heard an elephant beginning to charge (you can hear their ears flapping and obviously their charge itself). He said he jumped into the croc infested lake to get away but his friend didn’t hear the elephant because he had earphones in listening to music. He said the elephant grabbed his friend with his trunk, squeezed him to death by crushing all of his bones, dropped him in the water, fished for him in the water with his trunk, pulled him up, and then trampled him. Meagan asked the guy if he ever goes back to that place and he just laughed. He said that he goes all the time and had just gone earlier to take a client to look at the elephants. It’s remarkable the difference in grief between this culture and mine.

We returned back to the island, showered, and rested some before dinner. We had T-bone steaks, potatoes, salad, and this really awesome cake stuff for dessert. We were all laughing so hard because we had skipped lunch that day, and dinner wasn’t ready until almost 21:00 (9:00 PM) and we were just so ravenous. We all got a steak as big as our plates, scarfed it down, and all looked at each other and just died laughing because we were all still so hungry. You would think we had been living in the woods and hadn’t eaten for weeks or something, when in actuality we were just at Meagan’s house that morning. We decided since we had skipped lunch and been out in the sun a lot that day it was ok for us to be that hungry. Kind of.

After dinner we went back to River and Meag’s chalet and laid on the bed talking. It was great having today be such a peaceful beginning to the weekend.

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July 5, 2014

Early this morning I woke up early again not feeling well. It was right as the sun was rising so I went out onto our porch to read and greet the sun.

When Aubrey got up we packed our stuff and went to breakfast. Meagan and River came a little later and once we had all eaten, we loaded our stuff on the boat and headed towards the mainland. It was only an hour this time but it was so nice being out on the lake in the morning time.

We paid for everything and started our journey to Lusaka. The trip was a little shorter than we anticipated which was a pleasant surprise. We got to Lusaka around 3:00 and found out A Fault In Our Stars was playing at 3:15. So we went to see an afternoon show. Afterward we went and ate dinner at Mugg & Bean, this little coffee/restaurant place we found a couple years ago. We decided we’d make it a movie day and planned to go back to the theater to see Maleficent. Meag started to feel extremely sick at Mugg & Bean so we came back to the hotel to drop off our stuff, let her go to bed, and we walked back to the theater. When we got there they told us they stopped showing that movie this past Thursday so we just moseyed through town and came back to the hotel. Our room is so great. We finished the night watching While You Were Sleeping and catching up on emails.

This weekend we’ve discovered two ringworms on me; one on my leg, one on my face. But ya know, it only means some babies that needed some good love got some and I’m ok with it. The end of this week marks our halfway point, which is so hard believe. It feels like it’s been forever yet no time at all. Here’s to three more weeks of loving so hard it hurts (and maybe even gives me a couple more ringworms).