June 29, 2014
This morning we went to Tumango
for church. Since Emily, Emily, and Brandi (the Harding girls who got in last
night) were with us, the church asked us to sing for the congregation. We got up in
front of everyone, sang a couple of songs, and they really seemed to enjoy it.
It was good to be able to bless them in some sort of way.
After church we went to the
Merritt’s for lunch. We had baked potatoes with the Merritt's and Jason and Cyntia.
It was so nice to have a family homestyle setting with a lot of faces both old
and new.
We went to the Havens to get our
baby we’d planned to have one on one time with today. I was going to take Pri
again but since she was Emily’s baby when she studied abroad here last year I
let her spend some time with her. I chose Vera due to the fact I’ve grown to love her dearly this past week. The Harding girls stayed at the Havens for the
afternoon while we came back to spend some time with our little one. Aubrey read
a few children’s’ books to the babies and they were still as
stones. They can be so incredibly attentive and engaged with things like that it's surprising. Vera
and I did the shape sorter, ring stacking, and reading. And tickling. Lots and
lots of tickling.
 |
| Sweet Vera. |
Before long, it was time to
strap them on our backs and walk back to the Havens in order to get the babies
there and for us to get back before sundown. The walk was beautiful
as always but at one point we had to army crawl under some barbed wire with the
babies strapped on our backs. Again, the things that happen sometimes.
We got the Harding girls, walked
back, and made breakfast for dinner. It’s been great being together telling
stories and sharing this special summer that’s happening in all of our lives. Even
if it is just for a few days. We went to Johnson church after dinner and Roy
continued his Temple series. Tonight he talked about keeping your temple holy
in terms of sexual purity. Another girl decided to get baptized! We were all so
exhausted we just came back to the house and went straight to bed.
It blows my mind we’re already beginning
week 3.
__________________________________________________________
June 30, 2014
This morning we pulled ourselves
out of bed to go running. The sunrises never get old.
Since it’s a new week we moved
Havens so I’m in Haven 3 now. Haven 3 is all ages from newborns to walking and
talking. They’re in Haven 3 instead of Havens 1 or 2 with the other kids due to individual medical reasons. It can be anything from they were exposed to HIV or TB or anything that
requires special attention to medicine-taking. So they keep them in a separate Haven not because they’re
dangerous or contagious but just for the simplicity of medicine storing and making sure each child gets what they need and medicines aren't forgotten in the shuffle of the day.
I was able to have one-on-one
time with Kent, Angel, Helen, Rita, Jeremy, Chilala, Candace, Petra, Boyd,
Gilimo, Esther, Agnes, Evelyn, and Chabilo.
Today was especially hard for a
number of reasons. Some of the kids were tired, so shy they wouldn’t utter a
sound, or just plain cranky. Besides that, today was the first time I had really seen one of the struggling babies who was here when we were Fall 2012. He went back
to the village with his family and was brought back because he was almost dead
from malnourishment. Now he doesn’t even look like the same child. He has ringworm
everywhere, dark scabby skin on his sideburns and wrists and feet, splotchy
skin, white scarred fingers, discolored eyes and teeth, and red hair from the
malnourishment. He hasn’t said a word since being back at the Havens and when
he left he was a babbling baby. The whole one on one time today I was so angry. Just looking at him was hard. Not because I was disgusted. Because I was looking into a face of straight abuse. I'm angry, but also relieved that he’s alive and back. How could it have gotten that bad? How could God have let a child get
THAT bad and not intervene sooner?
On top of that we found out
pretty solemn news about Zack, one of the guys that studied abroad with us. He
was in a really bad farming accident a week ago and was not expected to make it. Then he did make it but is still critical yet improving. Now he is sedated and the everyone is just waiting. Doctors are saying he’s
“extremely critical” and to pray. Who knows if that's a positive or negative statement but today was just a day of a lot of thinking and wondering why things are the way they
are.
All the babies went down for
their usual naptime so I went to help Grace in the kitchen with lunch. Emily,
one of the Harding girls visiting, had a Zambian friend with her, Elise, who she met
last year. She brought Elise to the Havens so they could spend some time
together. Elise is so intelligent and speaks remarkable English. They helped in
the kitchen as well and Elise showed us how to shred cabbage for rape (a type
of relish here). She turned on some music on her phone and the first song she
put on was a Gospel song by Destiny’s Child. What even. After that song finished she
turned to Emily and said, “Listen to this one and tell me if you know it.” And
SWEET HOME ALABAMA started playing. For the love of all I just lost it laughing.
Lynard Skynard playing on a Zambian’s phone in Africa. I told her I was from Alabama
and she goes, “Oh really? Please don’t cry listening to this song.” Haha I mean
I can’t say I’ve ever had the desire to cry during Sweet Home Alabama, but I
almost did today from laughing so hard.
We had nsima, rape, beef, and
some soy chicken kind of stuff. It was super good. Since the babies were
napping for another hour at least, I went and got Joel and spent over an hour
with him. It was perfect timing to just sit with him and let his presence heal
the hurt happening.
After feeding at Haven 3 all of
us came back to Meag’s and had stir fry for dinner. All of us girls ended the
evening sitting around the table playing games and telling stories.
There were hidden blessings in
today. Like Rita’s sweetness, Jeremy’s joy, Esther’s small fingers feeling my
face while feeding her, Petra’s dancing, Joel just being who he is, and even
the humor in the song on Elise’s phone. But today there was also a lot of
frustration about the injustice all over this place and this world. I’m mad
because the problem is so big and any kind of attempt is feeble; a drop in the
bucket.
Will the bad news ever stop?
Will there ever be a stretch where no one I know is hurting or doubting or
dying? I guess what I’m wanting is Heaven. Which in itself is proof that
this world really isn’t my home.
__________________________________________________________
July 1, 2014
Somehow we got ourselves up this morning and we walked our usual trail. Language class today was more information about names; the process of
naming and who gets to give the names, etc.
We got news that Zack is doing pretty poorly. He’s having
renal problems which Meagan says is never positive news.
On the way to the Havens I was feeling extremely down about
the whole day. The Zack situation, having to see Kent again, just a lot of
different things. And today ended up being one of the best days as of yet. I
was able to get one on one time with every single kid which I haven’t done
since I’ve been here. Some of the quiet ones from yesterday talked and laughed
with me. AND Kent spoke. Which is HUGE.
I also had a whole hour with Joel. I hung up my hammock and
planned to swing and read to him but he was so tired all he wanted to do was
lay on my chest. We read a couple of books and hammocked the entire time. Thank you
God for that moment.
We fed at Haven 3 which is always crazy. I fed Helen and
Chilala, two girls who were both hesitant with me yesterday. They were
talkative and giggly with me, which only added to the goodness of the day.
We all came back to Meag’s, made tacos, and played games
with the Harding girls since we’re taking them to Choma tomorrow for the start
of their internship.
Today was such a great day after such a whirlwind yesterday.
I lay down every night wondering how in the world Meagan and the Aunties and other
missionaries do this every day. The work itself is draining and the emotional toll it takes is exhausting.
However, it has forced me find joy even in the smallest positives. Because
sometimes the small positives are all you’ve got.
__________________________________________________________
July 2, 2014
We got up early this morning to take the Harding girls to
Macha to begin their internship. We got an update on Zack that his bowels are
not functioning and his body is not absorbing any nutrients because he keeps
rejecting everything from his feeding tube. A lot of our car ride was spent in
silence.
When we got to Macha, we went straight to the grocery store
to get some stuff for both the girls and for us. We drove another hour to the research
center where the Harding girls will be doing their internship. We helped them get their groceries
and bags inside and said our goodbyes.
From there Meagan decided this would be a good day to do
some village visits since some of the kids live out that way.
We started by finding Nico. We pulled up to her house to be greeted by a man who seemed to be
out of his mind. He was talking to Meagan in Tonga but she told us after he
walked away that she thought he may be out of his mind because he wasn’t making sense. A few minutes later Nico and her
grandmother walked up the path to the house. Once Meagan saw her she started
running and Nico did the same. The reunion was so sweet. The grandmother got
each of us a chair to sit in and a cup of cibwantu (fermented corn mush with
water). Meagan was catching up with her grandmother about how Nico was doing.
She has constant ear infections and think she may be almost deaf because of it.
Her grandmother said that a lot of times she won’t respond or even know you’re
talking to her unless she’s looking at you. Otherwise she seemed healthy and
happy. It was so obvious her grandmother loves her. She gave Meagan a whole
bucketful of sweet potatoes when we were leaving. In the car afterward Meagan
said Nico's grandmother always gives her some sort of gift as she’s leaving. And
whenever Meagan thanks her, her grandmother says that what Meagan has done for
Nico will always outweigh any kind of gift she could give Meagan. I felt extremely positive when we pulled away.
After Nico, we trekked across to the other side of Choma to
find Prince and Princess. We pulled up and there was Prince, standing at the
door, his face looking exactly the same as the baby Prince we all knew. Princess came running around the house
with a huge Aretha Franklin weave fro. We were laughing so hard thinking about
how Bridget would react to such a sight. They both are so incredibly healthy
and in the best situation I could have ever imagined. They’re living with their
aunt and uncle in a really nice house with other kids both older and younger.
They didn’t remember any of us (obviously) but they didn’t even remember Meagan
which I was surprised to observe. Meagan said it can be painful for her when that
happens, but it’s always a good thing because it means they consider their
real family their real family. Meag said it’s always more difficult for her leaving
a village from a visit with the baby latching on to her wanting her to take
them with her. But this wasn’t the case with Prince and Princess. Their aunt and
uncle both work at a hospital and were so friendly. They invited us in and we
sat in their living room talking about the World Cup and news. The uncle asked
us where we were from and when we told him America he goes, “How do you manage
to survive there?” At first I thought he was joking with us but after a second
I realized he was totally serious. We asked what he meant and he said he hears
about things like “bush fires” (forest fires) and suicide. I told him we
survive the same way they do in Zambia and he said here they might suffer from
illness of some sort, but never natural disasters or civil war like we do. He
said it with such genuine concern for us almost like he felt bad for us. It
took me off guard for a minute but then I realized he was right. Not that America is a worse (or better even) condition, but I mean to say he’s right in that
Zambia really is such a more peaceful place.
We pulled away from their house, both Prince and Princess waving. They’re in such a happy
home that will encourage them to pursue such a bright future.
We left there and started roaming around the area for Caleb.
Meagan had been in contact with a neighbor of his so he met us out on the main
road to help us know which path to turn onto. We passed the path a bunch of times but
finally saw him. He led us up to their hut where we found Caleb. He was sitting
on the ground with both of his feet clubbed as ever. His right foot has
become significantly worse. He wouldn’t talk at all to any of us. Meagan sat
next to him, pulled him onto her lap, and started massaging his legs and feet.
She exchanged words with the man who helped us find the hut. I couldn’t gather
much but I did hear Meagan ask why he hadn’t been going to the clinic to get
casts on his feet regularly. The man answered saying they didn’t have transport
money to get there and back. Meagan asked how much it costs to get there and
back and he said 40 kwatcha. That’s about $6.50. Meagan then asked how far away
the school is for the kids and he said it was about a 45 minute walk (a task no
person with two clubbed feet can do). It hit me then that this boy’s future
relies on $6.50. If he doesn’t get his feet fixed, he can’t get to school. If he
doesn’t get to school, he can’t progress to a better life than he has now. He
would be left with farming but he really couldn’t even do that with two clubbed feet
either. $6.50. That’s the difference between becoming a beggar and a
businessman here. We left their house and I asked Meagan what else the man said and
she said she would tell us whenever she was less angry and not on the verge of
tears. We rode the rest of the way home in silence while tears were streaming down Meag's face.
Before getting to the Namwianga road we turned off onto
another path to see Kent and Jesse, two siblings who have come home from the
Havens. Both of their parents are blind, which astounds me. They’re able to
keep up with 5 kids, and a farm, blind. All the kids can
see which helps, but still. Wow. All the day to day tasks started running through
my mind: starting a fire, knowing which of their vegetables are ready to eat,
gathering those vegetables, cooking, washing, just getting around the area
safely. It seems hard enough with two working eyes. Their youngest sister (Cipo) is in Haven 1 right now and Meagan said we’ll be
bringing Cipo home this Sunday.
We got back to the house from their house, unloaded groceries, and ate before getting ready for Bible study with the girls. They didn’t come tonight so it may be a holiday or
some kind of break for them. So we all just turned in for the night and went to
bed early before working at the Havens and going to the village tomorrow night.
I have a lot of mixed emotions about today: anger, joy,
sadness, thankfulness, relief, confusion. It’s so hard for me to understand why
a lot of things happen here. In the world really. With the babies, with Zack,
with a lot of different situations. Why there’s so much pain. “Because this
world is broken and sinful” just doesn’t seem to satisfy that question for me
anymore.
__________________________________________________________
July 3, 2014
This morning we slept in until language class and learned
random words from a grade 1 book Chimuka brought for us.
At the Havens I managed to see all but two kids. It was a
really good day overall even though I was pretty slow moving. Petra was so cuddly and talkative. Every one of the
little, little babies were so incredibly smiley. Kent was more playful, especially with bubbles. Jeremy was so still during a book we read together.
And all Joel wanted to do was give me kisses all over my face. He would even
point to his mouth and then my cheek totally on his own.
Memory, one of the Zambians that helped cook food for our HIZ group, surprised us at the Havens. A lot of the girls had befriended her and become close with her when we were here. She showed up and we caught up with her about how her
schooling and student teaching was going.
Bina Mbombo and I left for the village at 17:00. On the road
back to her house we passed a cobra stretched across a log. I was less than 2
feet away from it when we passed it and once I saw it my whole body went numb
and straight into fight or flight mode. I just kept walking and it wasn’t until a little
farther down the path did Bina Mbombo tell me it had been killed so it wasn’t
even alive. Snake eyes, even dead ones, are just as beady and scary.
We got to her village and I helped her sweep out the inside
of her house and sat with her as she cooked nsima. We had chicken and nsima and
then went outside and sang under the stars with her kids. I really loved one
song in particular. They sing the whole thing in Tonga and then again in English. It
says:
Every time,
Oh,
In the Spirit,
Overcoming
In my heart.
In the mountain,
In the hillside,
In the valley,
In the sea.
It was so fun to sing and one of those songs you sing as
loud as you can because you want to remind yourself the truth of the words.
We were joined by a lot of the village kids and we all went
inside the house because of the cold. One of the boys went to get an empty jug
and brought it back inside to use as a drum and we sang the night away. Two
other Aunties, Mabel and Esten came over and Bina Mbombo’s daughter, Luyando,
danced some of the traditional dances she’s been learning at school. I counted and by the end of the night we had
17 people inside of her house. It was loud in the best kind of way.
__________________________________________________________
July 4, 2014
Last night I didn’t sleep we at all for whatever reason and
woke up feeling a little sick. Bina Mbombo prepared rice and sugar for
breakfast so we ate and talked a little bit about all kinds of things. America, HIV, our village visit, and then started the walk to the
Havens. We met up with Aubrey and River and Ba Beauty on the path. We passed
our cobra friend and got to take a pic with him.
We went to the Hamby to grab some coffee and say bye to
Emmett before leaving for our fun weekend with Meagan. The plan is to go to this lake for Friday night and then go to Lusaka for Saturday.
We finished packing our
stuff and started our drive to Lake Kariba. We found out we’re staying on an
island in the middle of the lake which was exciting. We drove for what felt like hours; well, it
was--three hours down a bumpy and potholed road. None of us were sure we were
going to right way but after we asked some people for some direction, we arrived. It was like night
and day. The road up to the lake was primetime Africa but once we got to the lake it was such a touristy spot. The lake was huge and so blue. It just didn’t feel like a place like this could exist out in the middle
of nowhere, but I'm surely thankful it does. We had an hour to lounge around until the boat left for the island
so I found myself a little corner in a chair, read, and spent some time alone.
Soon it was time to load up with another family of 5 and
boat to the island. We rode for about an hour and got to talk with the manager of this
place. She’s from South Africa and is taking over the manager position while
her son is gone since his wife just had a baby. When we docked we toured around
and got our chalet. Aubrey and I are staying together tonight and River and
Meagan are in another place. It’s pretty cozy. There’s no Internet and
only a couple of places with cell phone service which I actually think is one of the best things about it. It’s almost relieving to know there’s no way anything on the outside can reach us
here. They told us we need to be in our houses by 11 tonight because sometimes
elephants from some of the other islands like to swim over and walk around here.
What.
The four of us rested a little and played a game of Phase 10
before going back out on the boat for a sunset ride. We rode out a bit to
where you could really see the horizon. The sky is the most beautiful colors of
pink and orange. There were these mountains far away and all you could see were
the layered silhouettes of them. It was like a painting. We were talking to the
guys driving the boat and we had heard previously that someone had died on an island close by a
few months ago so we asked them what happened. One of our guides was actually
there when it happened and the guy that died was one of his friends. They were
installing a water pump and he said he heard an elephant beginning to charge
(you can hear their ears flapping and obviously their charge itself). He said
he jumped into the croc infested lake to get away but his friend didn’t hear
the elephant because he had earphones in listening to music. He said the
elephant grabbed his friend with his trunk, squeezed him to death by crushing
all of his bones, dropped him in the water, fished for him in the water with
his trunk, pulled him up, and then trampled him. Meagan asked the guy if he ever goes back to that place and he just laughed. He said that he goes all the time and had just gone earlier to take a client to look at the elephants. It’s remarkable the difference in
grief between this culture and mine.
We returned back to the island, showered, and rested some
before dinner. We had T-bone steaks, potatoes, salad, and this really awesome
cake stuff for dessert. We were all laughing so hard because we had skipped
lunch that day, and dinner wasn’t ready until almost 21:00 (9:00 PM) and we were just so ravenous. We all got a steak as big as our plates, scarfed it down, and all
looked at each other and just died laughing because we were all still so
hungry. You would think we had been living in the woods and hadn’t eaten for
weeks or something, when in actuality we were just at Meagan’s house that
morning. We decided since we had skipped lunch and been out in the sun a lot
that day it was ok for us to be that hungry. Kind of.
After dinner we went back to
River and Meag’s chalet and laid on the bed talking. It was great having today
be such a peaceful beginning to the weekend.
__________________________________________________________
July 5, 2014
Early this morning I woke up early again not feeling well.
It was right as the sun was rising so I went out onto our porch to read and
greet the sun.
When Aubrey got up we packed our stuff and went to
breakfast. Meagan and River came a little later and once we had all eaten, we
loaded our stuff on the boat and headed towards the mainland. It was only an
hour this time but it was so nice being out on the lake in the morning time.
We paid for everything and started our journey to Lusaka.
The trip was a little shorter than we anticipated which was a pleasant
surprise. We got to Lusaka around 3:00 and found out A Fault In Our Stars was
playing at 3:15. So we went to see an afternoon show. Afterward we went and ate dinner at Mugg & Bean, this little coffee/restaurant place we found a couple
years ago. We decided we’d make it a movie day and planned to go back to the
theater to see Maleficent. Meag started to feel extremely sick at Mugg &
Bean so we came back to the hotel to drop off our stuff, let her go to bed, and
we walked back to the theater. When we got there they told us they stopped
showing that movie this past Thursday so we just moseyed through town and came
back to the hotel. Our room is so great. We finished the night watching While
You Were Sleeping and catching up on emails.
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