“The darkest thing about Africa has always been our ignorance of it.”
-George Kimble
"God's there, listening for all who pray, for all who pray and mean it."
-Psalm 145:18
WHAT AN ADVENTURE.
Here is the first entry to my journal from my journey to and through Kenya.
I apologize, it is indeed very choppy and probably an publishing editor's worst nightmare, but I had to let you guys in on what God is doing in Africa. And what He did in me.
My top 5 lessons I have learned?
1) God is in fact ALIVE.
2) God in fact DOES care about me.
3) My faith needs to grow. Tremendously.
4) I have had bountiful opportunity and experiences that hardly anyone else has had on this earth. And oh have I taken advantage if it. By being ungrateful. By being discontent.
5) I need to love on my family more.
Nothing I can say or type can explain everything that has gone on the past few days of my life.
If I begin typing, trying to explain it, I just type and backspace, type and backspace, because nothing I say lets you experience what I have. Nothing let's you know to the fullest extent what it was like to be there and see the faces and hold the hands. Not a single thing I say can allow you to feel the miracles that happened, the tears that were cried. There's not any words I know that I can put together in any kind of order that can tell what all happened physically and inside of me.
So much to take in, it's hard for me to know what to do with myself!
I don't want to miss a single bit of it either! I never want to forget.
So many faces.
So many memories.
It has been made clear to me that this is my future.
And I'm ready to start livin' it :)
Thursday; June 30, 2011
12:48 A.M.
It's the night before (or I guess technically the morning of) our departure! :) I am so excited.
It's like one of those type of excitements that I'm giddy. I don't even know what to expect which makes it that much more crazy feeling. I've heard stories and I've seem pictures of course, but to be on my way to hold those babies and to get to know the people, is just too much.
Like, I'm going to be the one able to tell stories! I'm going to to be experiencing this first hand! It's so surreal! God only has given me the opportunity to be here and I am so grateful. It's like I don't know exactly what's about to happen, but everything inside of me knows it's going to be so good.
It's going to be unforgettable.
I pray the people see love when they see our group. I hope they see us not as the "Americans" they were expecting. I want them to feel my heart towards them and their situations and to be able to feel what I'm feeling even though we can't exchange a single word.
LORD USE ME!
Me and Amber Norris, a good school friend of mine, are sitting on my bed. So ready, but definitely realizing we need sleep! We have a LONG day of traveling tomorrow! 24 hours of it to be exact!
I wish I could put my thoughts, feelings, desires, worries, and hopes down on paper so that when I look back I'll remember everything I'm experiencing now, because mom says over time your mind forgets. She told me to write down names and things, so that's what I'm planning to do!
I literally still cannot believe this.
What if on this trip I realize this is my forever? That THIS is what I was made to do? I mean, the trip I'm about to go on will be the one I look back on and say, "That is where it all began."
Ah! SO SO SO SO SO pumped.
Yet scared.
Yet hopeful.
But at the same time, nervous.
It's like my head is realizing that things as I know it will be changed forever, but my heart is saying, "GO."
I know this may be what eventually separates me from my family, the type of living I'm used to, and even down to not being around the language I understand.
And it scares me.
Doubts flood in and make me question how in the world can someone like me be equipped for such a task as this?
And here's the beauty of it all.
The story of Esther has always been a story that has intrigued me. You know how sometimes you read some stories or events in the Bible and you're like, "Wow! Now THAT is freakin' cool." Well, Esther has always interested me for some reason. Maybe it's just because it's like the lowly-servant-like girl catches the king's heart type thing, but just something about it has always struck me.
There's a moment where Esther's uncle, Mordecai, shares such amazing insight and wisdom to his niece. He tells her that if she doesn't take advantage of the position she has and stand up for her people, then God would send someone else to.
But, who better?
I mean, she had the king's heart! Who better to try and persuade him?
So anyway, Mordecai tells her that if she doesn't do it, someone else will.
BUT! Maybe THIS is why she's even reached the status she has! To free her people! Maybe the reason she has even taken the king's special attention is so that she could be in the position to be the voice of the Jews that had been silenced for so long.
How much like me is that?
Yeah, if I don't do anything, help will come.
From someone else, some other time.
Life will continue, and my life will unfortunately be considered as one of great potential, but such a great waste of opportunity.
BUT.
What if this is why I am where I am? What if this is why I was born in Tuscaloosa, Alabama, into a God-fearing home that is capable of sending me on trips like these? FOR SUCH A TIME AS THIS.
Yes, God wanted to bless me when He gave me these things, but He also gave them to me in hopes that I would DO something with all of it. All of this opportunity and provision.
He's entrusted to me a life like mine in hopes that I'll give it up! And help people with it rather than just be another teenage girl that just passes through.
THANK YOU JESUS!
Like, why are you so amazing?
I'm so ready to go where You want me to go. I just ask for the boldness and the peace that comes with the call. Wow, I love You, and I can't wait for the next two weeks!
Rock my world, Lord!
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