Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Let my lifesong sing to You.

Ohhhh college. Always some kind of important decision to be made.
Too many important decisions to be made.
Especially when someone's as analytical with her decisions as me. 

TOO many decisions.

Lately I’ve had a LOT more questions than usual about my major.
(Am I really surprised?)

I’m VERY much the type of person that if I know things aren’t going to work out in the end, I don’t want to waste any more time in it. And I’ve had a lot of questions come up about Nursing.
What if I want to have a family? I want to be able to spend meaningful time with my husband and my kids. I don’t want to work all day and come home only wanting to be in the bed. I know how meaningful it was having my mom’s company in my life and I’d rather be there for my kids, and them know that, than be in a profession that denies me that.

I’ve talked to 2 or 3 people about it and they have said that it is difficult, but do-able. Which comforts me, but for some reason I feel like a part of my heart just isn’t into nursing. And I don’t know why. Every concern I find an answer to, it seems like my mind comes up with another one and why nursing won’t work.

For example, I went and gave blood a few weeks ago and hated every second of it! In fact, I passed out! Not because it scared me or anything, just because my blood sugar spiked! But I woke up to a nurse giving me a Coke and the male nurse tapping on my foot telling me that in order for him to be able to finish the bag I had to stay awake. So embarrassing. :/  Like how can I be a nurse if I hate the simple things like giving blood! I don’t know if this is God gently urging me to go on a different path, or Satan trying to stop something that He knows will make a great impact. My mind feels like it’s just in a never-ending circle and I hate it! Terribly!

So I took it upon myself to kind of be brainstorming as to what I would want to do if it wasn’t Nursing, and of course the only thing that comes to my mind is that I want to do something I feel like I’m good at! I spent all day one weekend crafting and making Christmas presents for family, and it instantly hit me mid-brush stroke. My art! My talent in art would be perfect! If I was able to do what I love everyday and help people cope and heal through doing what I love, now THAT would be an occupation. How rewarding would that be?

So I researched some options, went to the career center here at Harding, and researched some more. And I found some incredible possibilities!

One is that I could be an Art Therapist. I would assist people, kids, adults, seniors, whoever express themselves through art. I would help them express their hurts and their secrets, their pain and their past. And what an opportunity something like THAT could bring. Talk about an opening of doors.

Another option I found was to be a Speech Pathologist. I would help any and all ages who have been through surgeries, birth defects, or trauma and assist in bringing back to life their ability to communicate. In some cases (like in situations dealing with birth defects, and maybe even after some degree of trauma) I would be their very first true friend.

It’s like there are SO many options I could do anything.
It’s just the only thing that’s holding me onto nursing is the dire need for it. Abroad and even here. My Intro. to Nursing class has taught me so much and shown me just how needed people are in the profession. I want to use my talent of intelligence but use my artistic passions at the same time. It’s seriously confusing and my head is in a tailspin.

HOWEVER! Off of the heavy, and onto something MAGNIFICENT that has happened recently!


I will be LIVING in Zambia for three months next fall! I AM SO THANKFUL!

When I got the confirmation e-mail my stomach was flipping all over the place! I can NOT wait. We’ll be working with all ages, but mostly children in a place called The Haven and we get assigned babies to work with every day, do some school work of course some where in there, and just love on some people! This trip is huge because if I stick with Nursing, this is what I want to do with it. So maybe God will speak through next fall to let me know what it is He wants for me, whether it is or is not in Nursing. Who am I kidding. He definitely WILL speak on next fall and let me know what He wants for me.

So I need prayer for direction in my future academically and just in general.
I need prayers for my relationships.
A LOT of uncertainties are coming up in the next year.
But with every uncertainty there seems to be a boatload of blessing that comes as well. There always has been.

So I trust.
It hurts, but I do.
It’s scary and frustrating.
I can’t pretend that it’s all giggles and confetti when it comes to waiting on God in His timing.

But I do.

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